Home » zArchives » Humour » Laugh Out Loud » Why the rise in oil prices doesn’t matter?

Why the rise in oil prices doesn’t matter?

With all the recent hoopla about oil prices having gone through the roof, I thought to myself, “Will life without oil be all that bad?”
Of course it will, I said to myself, all the vehicles in the world would have to be sold off for nothing, millions of industries would shut down and nations and economies would collapse bringing down considerably with it the extent of progress mankind.

Waitaminit… who in the heck would buy those useless vehicles in the first place? What good is a Hyndai Santro that cannot run at all? Now that I think about it, what are we going to do with so many vehicles if there is no petrol one day to run them? Will we just leave them out on the roads? I can picture thousands of Zulu Tribes living in those cars and cooking food in them. Zulu Tribes will have it easy though. They won’t have to live in the jungles anymore. They’ll be living in Japanese-made-Indian-assembled houses with adjustable seats.

They’re the ones that are really going to benefit if all the crude in the world gets over. The moment the last drop of oil is used up, they will jump out of the forests and come onto our roads and go hysterical with laughter. “BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”, they will laugh, “We will be able to adapt to this quickly because we were never dependant on fuel! You guys are so screwed!! Now we will paint our bodies and wear skirts whilst singing indecipherable songs!!!” Of course most of that will be said in their native language. Hence it will sound something like, “BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Oggo oggo non tash chikki chikki pololomono crude prices 130$ a barreloollla… takakakaka unono pogalakamatishishishi. Jojoba mooonana Sheryl Crowe!!!”

My guess is they will eventually get sick of living in small cramped cars and move into all the free parking space created by the non-existence of vehicles. Then they will start fires and cook food there which will trigger off the fire alarm systems thus activating the sprinklers. So all of us will constantly be wet. Which works for me because there are a lot of hot girls that wear tight t-shirts in the city that would look good wet. Notice the use of the word, ‘that’ in the previous sentence. Nice way of objectifying women, is it not?
Another time they will put us to shame is while traveling. How do you think you’re going to go from one place to another if there are not going to be any vehicles to move you around? That’s right, get off your fat asses and walk! Run, if you want to get there faster. And when you’re running, a random Zulu Tribal is going to catch up with you and then leave you behind, sneering at you all the way. “HAHAHAHAHAHA” he will laugh like Pops Racer, “You cannot catch me! I am waaay fasta… and stronga… HAHAHAHAHA”

Do you think the Zulu Tribals will actually have some place to go? OF COURSE NOT! They’re Zulu Tribes!! They don’t go anywhere!! They live in parking spaces and light fires and cook food. They’ll do it just to show you how worthless you are without your technology. And you won’t be able to do anything about it… because he would be much much stronger and much much faster. And you and I will always remain pansy cretins that the extreme dependence on fuel has made us. Abhi bol! Abhi bol!!!!!

Chirag Mahabal

About admin