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Why god makes stupid people

‘ve always believed there are two kinds of stupid people – those who are incapable of gathering information and those who are plain ignorant. God made the former plainly for our amusement. I’ve always believed that if you know someone who can’t catch a ball coming at them, pelt pointy rocks on their faces till they bleed. That very act will provide much merriment amongst you and your friends for days to come. Try it out sometime. Go to a slow learner and smack him on the back of his head. Then turn around and come to his front. He’ll keep turning around in circles for at least an hour. Then, do it from the other side. It’s a great way to relax AND you’ll get some exercise out of it.

The ignorant-stupid people are the ones you should be wary of though. These are the ones that eventually go on to become teachers, bosses and God forbid, Presidents. Then you really know you’re in trouble or are going to be in trouble. Because these people unwittingly, of course, end up putting you in a lot of trouble. That is the whole deal behind the existence of stupid people in the first place. They’re there so we’re on our toes and alert. If stupid people didn’t exist, we would get lethargic and eventually turn into stupid people ourselves. Which would then be a problem, because THAT would really be the end of all existence as we know it wouldn’t it?

But afraid not! I have some ways of avoiding and detecting stupid people and being alert at all times around them. First here’s how to detect stupid people

1) If a person’s stuck his tongue out and has forgotten to pull it back in and flies are sitting on it now – he’s stupid. Staple his tongue to his chin so he can never say anything that might cause you harm. Staple it twice if it doesn’t stick the first time.
2) If a person’s ramming a nail into a wooden board with his head for the lack of a hammer – he’s stupid. Don’t do anything. In a while, he shall render himself harmless with no effort from your end.
3) If a person’s applying to Hindustan Unilever for a job and he’s not from IIT or IIM – he’s stupid. Beat him to death with the all the ‘Personality Development Course’ certificates he’s carrying.
4) If a person’s opposing the Indo-US nuclear deal in favor of using the money for creating ‘Wind’ energy instead – he’s at the extreme end of stupidity. Send such people to West Bengal where he’ll be more comfortable with people who think like him. Then nuke West Bengal using all the fuel the US is going to give us.

However, even after you’ve dealt with these four major species, there will be ignoramuses who will have escaped your attention. You cannot do anything about them. They will go on to find other stupid people of the opposite sex and make stupid babies. Who will in turn breed with other stupid offspring and create further stupid babies. What stupid people do, with their amazing abilities of being able to eliminate non stupid people, is control population. That is God’s way of naturally controlling population growth. God, hence, is totally in favour of stupid people. And if even the stupid people fail at deleting enough smart individuals, well, he’s always got the terrorists he’s created to take care of everyone

Chirag Mahabal

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