Indian presidents are like Chandler Bing and Kosmo Kramer. Everybody knows who they are, but slap me silly if anyone actually knows what they do. In stark contrast are their American counterparts, who’re faced with real-world challenges such as figuring out the spelling of Afghanistan.
JAM organised a Presidential Pageant, where The Honourable Ramchandra Mutt (RM) grilled contestants to decide who would be crowned President.
Dr. K, how can I make a nuclear bomb at home?
APJ: It’s very simple, I tell you. The first step is to obtain some nuclear fuel, easily available at Pervez General Stores, if you know what I mean. In the absence of uranium, take two packets of chilli powder, one detonator and (Rest of this answer is censored on grounds of national security)
Sir, how do you manage to remember your full name?
APJ: You idiot! I’m the guy who transformed India into a nuclear superpower. You think I can’t remember my own name?? APJ stands for err..Amin…no..Aamir..um wait, I know this…Appam..no..ah screw it! You wanna learn how to make a nuclear bomb at home?
Never mind. My next question is for Mr. Amitabh Bachpan. As an eminent representative of the entertainment industry, what is your vision for India’s political future?
AB: (In a robotic monotone) I’m very happy for AbhiAsh, but you’re not invited for the wedding. I’m very happy for AbhiAsh, but you’re not invited for the wedding. I’m very..
Ok ok we get it. My next question is for Mr. Nariyal Murthy. Why do you think you should be elected President?
NM: I’ve developed efficient software for the government. For example, if a main city street is clogged with traffic, just enter its name into the program and voila! The program generates names of long-dead politicians and their dhobis, which can be used to rename the street. Problem solved!
Hmm..impressive. What else can you do?
NM: In my capacity as dynamic business leader, I can fix the Parliament computers for free. I can also regale the Parliament with the famous Infosux sense of humour. For e.g what is the latest version of Java?
I don’t know. What?
NM: MarJAVA, MitJAVA!! HAHAHAHA! Ok ok, one more. What is the similarity between a girl at Infosux, and an intelligent Santa Singh?
Ha! I know this. Both are non-existent, right?
NM: No, the correct answer is ‘Both are hairy’. But you were close, so I’ll gift you a million Infosux shares.
That does it. You’re the next President!
At this point, the other finalists jumped into the fray…
APJ: No wait..let me be the President!! I’ll make a nice, big rocket for you…
AB: I’m very happy for AbhiAsh, but you’re not invited for the wedding. I’m very happy for AbhiAsh, but you’re not invited for the wedding. I’m very happy…
Text: Ashish Shakya/ Toon: Vivek Thakkar