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Weird Prof Species – 8 years, 8 namunas

SIKHANA MANA HAI

Professors are supposed to inspire the next generation. But inspire us to do what? Here are 8 prof species who deserve to be blacklisted.

IGNORAMUS
No one has ever seen him get upset. Students love to attend his lectures as they can do absolutely anything during them and yet he won’t say a thing. He concentrates so much on teaching that he won’t even notice if you stand on the bench and scream your heart out. No attendance blues, no “I”ll fail u” warnings, no izzat-ka-falooda in the class. He believes his job is to teach and not to discipline the students. So gullible that he believes students even when they ask permission to go drink water, only to disappear till the end of the class.

ST. ANGER
Dreaded by students and peons alike, he is infamous for his sadistic, violent outbursts. Eternally pissed off with the world at large, his lectures are full of yelling, chalk throwing, table banging, book tossing, insults and even death threats. Talks to others about time management but is personally in need of anger management classes. No one dares to back answer him for fear of losing their lives. It’s considered a miracle if one spots even a hint of smile from this personification of the devil.

DRESSED 2 KILL
Dresses as if he’s taking part in a fancy dress competition. Famous for his ‘jhatak-matak’ type of dressing, his favourite combination of a yellow shirt and purple trousers eliminates the need to switch on the lights during a cloudy day. He’s old enough to be our great grandfather but young enough to be our fashion guru. As an exception, the authorities have allowed students to wear glares in class only during his lectures.

BUFFOON
Known for his sense of humour, he is seriously funny. His lectures double up as a regular dose of stand up comedy. The jokes range from the stupid to the quite embarassing non-veg variety. Tries to cover up his lack of teaching skills by displaying his witty humour. If he had not been a professor, he would have surely taken Johnny Lever’s place in countless movies. Needless to say, everyone enjoys his lectures but the portion is never completed on time, and that is certainly not a laughing matter.

ASK-ME-NOT
Always asking questions instead of replying to them, no one has ever got a straight answer from her. Every question asked evokes a counter question. (Q:”Is there a holiday tomorrow?” A:”Why?”, Q:”Somebody said….” A:”Who someone?”). Due to her inquisitve nature, students prefer to keep mum in her lectures. If someone has a doubt; instead of answering it, she asks the whole class in order to hide her lack of knowldege on the subject.

CRACKHEAD
A very absent-minded person, he usually keeps looking around as if he is desperately searching for something. Legend has it that he wasn’t sure what to do in life and so decided to be a professor. Many a time, his discussions go way off the topic. For him, forgetting things such as pens, books is normal but once, he even forgot to take a lecture. “Huh!” “What?” “Please repeat again” are the words he uses most often.

GOSSIPER
Never teaches the syllabus. He drifts so away from the topic that even he forgets what he was supposed to teach. Constantly boasts about himself and bombards us with sermons on ideals, values and morals. Was once reportedly seen cootchie-cooing with a young JC lecturer in the staff room. When he’s supervising in the exam hall, it’s party time for students and everyone passes the paper with flying colours.

LOOSE LIPS
Teaches well, acts better! She doesn’t sit but D-R-O-P-S herself on her chair causing minor tremors in the classroom! Instead of teaching the syllabus, she bores us with her life stories. Frequently pakaos us with her andar ki baat (read domestic problems). Once she started sobbing in front of the whole class, just because we weren’t listening to her!

Vaibhav Wankhede

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