The budget has been hard on middle class people, stockbrokers, and superheroes alike. With higher taxes to pay, several individuals are finding it hard to make ends meet with a single job. Superman for example, has found alternative employment with the traffic police. He now tows cars and bikes parked in No Parking zones in the Dadar-Matunga sector.
The Indian government has been trying to attract the interest of MNCs (multi national crusaders) for some time now. However, representatives from FICCI – Flying in Capes & Chaddis Internationally – recently met the Finance Minister to air their grievances. “Basic infrastructure is lacking,” said a spokesperson. “There aren’t even telephone booths where we can change into our costumes without urchins gawking.”
Meanwhile, Spiderman has decided to follow in the footsteps of Jackie Shroff and Tulsi Virani in and has started his very own Tele-Shopping Network called SpideyBrands.
Here are a few of the Spidey products available on SpideyBrands.
SpideyBrand Static Duster
Spiderman says: Before I get into my costume, I have to make sure that my body is squeaky clean. There can’t be even a speck of lint on my belly button. That’s why I use the SpideyBrand Static Duster – the one brush solution to all your hygeine problems.
Use it to clean any bodily orifice however hard to reach or difficult to come across. It’s fine, soft, long, luxurious, sensuous bristles have touched me in places I never knew existed.
***Order within 10 minutes of reading this and get the SpideyBrand Static Duster for only Rs 2,398.64! Actual price Rs 2,399.99!
Not only that, also get a complimentary moisturising lotion sourced from the deepest forests of the Borivali National Park.
A satisfied customer: Before I discovered the wonders of the SpideyBrand Static Duster, I would often mishear what other people said. I tried everything from Johnson’s buds to the kaan saaf karnewalas on the street. But nothing could remove the wax in my ears, until… I was introduced to the magic of SpideyBrands. Now I can reach the deepest interiors of not only my ears but other crevasses of my anatomy! Thank you SpideyBrands!
SpideyBrand Butterfly Abs
Spiderman says: In the two years between my first and second movies, my abs became flabs. I was desperate to get back in shape. Then my good friend, the Hulk showed me the secret behind his thunderous thighs – the SpideyBrand Butterfly Abs. I just strapped it on and within seven minutes, my abs became as hard as the chances of seeing any real acting in my film.
***Order within 10 minutes of reading this and get the SpideyBrand Butterfly Abs for only Rs 1,999.05 Actual price Rs 1,999.50! YOU SAVE A MAMMOTH 0.0012%! (2 AAA batteries not included in price)
Complimentary Gift: A first aid kit if ever you meet with an accident while experimenting with this extremely safe product.
A satisfied customer: My waist used to be 53 inches! The staff at clothing stores would tell me to try the curtain shop next door. Then, I chanced upon the miracle of Butterfly Abs. In just 243 weeks, my waist has reduced to a svelte 49 inches. Thanks to Butterfly Abs, my husband and I can finally share the same bed. He now calls me his “little teapot”!
SpideyBrand Chyawanprash (Indian customers only)
Spiderman says: Every superhero needs to stay super healthy. That is why I make sure that I get my daily tablespoon of SpideyBrand Chyawanprash. Made from a secret blend of choicest larvae, amoeba and mosquito droppings sourced from the exotic swamps of Sassoon Dock, SpideyBrand Chyawanprash will bring the spring back into your step. SpideyBrand Chyawanprash is the sole solution to all your ailments – minor and major – from wedgie rash, to Hepatitis A, B, C and Z. Use daily for just the next 26 years and you might even develop Spidey senses, just like mine.
***Order within 10 minutes of reading this and get a bottle of SpideyBrand Chyawanprash at the bargain price of just Rs 45,237.77! Actual Price Rs 43,524.99! At this price, it’s a steal.
Special Offer: Buy just 99 jars of SpideyBrand Chyawanprash and get 25% off on the next one you purchase.
A satisfied customer: I had typhoid, jaundice, cholera, malaria, and was paralysed from the waist down. Doctors had given me just 34 years to live, and my friends and family had given up hope. Then one day, when I was attempting suicide, I found a bottle of Spidey Chyawanprash. It was a sign from the heavens. Now, 18 years later, only the little toe on my right foot is immobile.