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Mosquitos and Tring Tring

Mosquitos and buzzing cellphones have much in common. Both irritate the hell out of Hari Chakyar.

Have we ever thought why the mosquitoes hum, bees buzz and the crickets cricket? I understand that the very thought is very irritating and repelling. But hey, remember, how much ever we grow; we are still kids, right? And kids love stories, so, just STFU and read on.

Once upon a time, a mosquito, a bee and a cricket hired a boat at Mazgaon Dock and went rowing. All of a sudden came something, that to them looked like a tsunami. It actually was a speedboat from Suneil Shetty’s water sports club called H2O in Marine Drive.

With the sudden upsurge of water, their little boat, turned tumultuously and keeled over, throwing all three of them into the water, spitting and swallowing salinity in abundance. Since all three could make use of their exoskeletons called wings to fly, they flew out of the water, but they had a tough time explaining the capsize to the boat owner.

The stupid guy there just won’t take an IOU card! He either needed his boat or ample amount of greens to get a new one. Now this trio did not have any cash on them, left. Whatever was there went with their wallets into the water, when they fell into it and they say the trains are risky for wallets and purses! And hence, it is said, that since then, until now, the mosquito, the bee and the cricket call out to people, pleading them to chip in bit by bit, to pay the boat owner.

A beautiful day, deciphers for me as, a hammock, a book, some paper, a pen with ample refills, some music and no other noise. There would be no dearth of people wanting to relish similar quiet locations. Imagine you are having tender coconut water, sunk inside a hammock with your eyes hidden under a hat and Karunesh playing by your ears and suddenly you hear the mosquito singing its mundane, “Lonely, am so lonely……” inside your ear and you open your eyes and find yourself in your bed at home. Shit.

The beauty, the bounty, was just a dream. But then, dreaming is good. And the mosquito was bad. It awoke you from your sleep, destroyed your dream. Well, singing is better. You feel like Daniel Pearl when these flying vampires stick their proboscises into your skin and suck out teeny weenie drops of blood, leaving an irritation to transmogrify your skin into mars-red!

Yet another disturbing element in our lives is what we proudly carry in our pockets nowadays (not me though). The telephone, as it was named, years after Mr. Bell said in his best erotic voice, “Watson, come now, I need you….”. This thing rings at its maximum possible volume, when you are at the zenith of your sleep, maybe making love to that heavenly nymph-like young lady you see everyday at the bus-stop or shopping for Swarovski, or having bed-tea with Tom Cruise (strictly for females)!

The point is, wherever you are, the telephone ring follows. And it not just follows you, but also shakes you back into reality, making you realize the congruence of your existence and non-existence in this world.

The point is (yeah yeah, enough of points, you say eh? Well, sorry to give it to you hard, but, this is my article and I can make as many points as I wanna. Do you get it now?) let us not disturb the ones that sleep. That doesn’t mean you carry on sitting and snoozing from Karjat to CST or Virar to Churchgate. But let’s be nice and quiet in our own ways, keep our volume down when we are at public places or wherever.

And let us keep the volume of our personal tring-tring as we relish the Snake or ping-pong in it. Let us not abuse anyone but ourselves. And if we really want to abuse, we can do it in a sing-song manner (anyone heard the cool song by Zeest? *”Bhen**** sutta, sutta na mila…”*) Let us all, keep those shitty ringtones off, or at least on the minimum volume, when in a train.

Let us not showcase our collection of ringtones, if we don’t have anything else to do but evoke the dozed-off monsters inside each one of the dozing co-passengers. “Hey lissn, am getting a call, I’ll catch up widya later, okay?”

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