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Lords of the Records!

Someone recently said that, Sachin Tendulkar walking onto the field is somewhat like watching an overgrown bull trapped inside a music store. Both of them can’t move a muscle without breaking a record! Everyone knows that this legend has a hundred centuries to his name.

Just like that, watching Usain Bolt run against other competitors in a dash is like watching a Duracell advertisement. The guy wins while the others are not even halfway through the race yet. 9.58 sec for 100 meters, it takes more time to get off my sofa!

Then there is the record of my personal favorite! Michael Phelps, the guy who should have been born with fins and gills instead. The dude has enough Gold medals to make Bappi Lahiri insecure! He has set a world record in most gold medals!

And speaking of such tremendous unbreakable records, records that can never be even dared to attempt, here is one more such record!

Veena Malik—Ok, wipe that look from your faces. Yes, I’m talking about a record by Veena Malik, and no…it’s not a music video record in which she dances with blinking LED’s on her funnels shaped blouse.

Veena Malik (seriously, don’t look at me like that.) has decided to something unthinkable for her birthday, she will attempt a Guinness World Record! No, it’s not for the smuttiest woman in the world, that’s probably saved for Paris Hilton.

She will attempt to make a century! But unlike the Master Blaster who is good with the Bat, Veena Malik will complete her century with her “Special Skill Sets”.

On the starlet’s(?) B’day she will be kissed a hundred times!
So what, you say? I kiss my GF/BF more than that, you say? Why is Veena Malik compared to Sachin-Usain-Michael, you say? I’m an idiot for writing this stupidity, you say? Sharukh is better than Salman, you say? —Wait a minute! …this is going a bit off the topic now.

Veena Malik will be kissed a hundred times on her B’day. But that’s not the best part; all this will be done in just one minute! Just like Anil Kapoor’s role in MI4. But this is not my primary concern, what my little perverted mind wonders about is, How does she practice for it?

All this craziness goes to the point that they have a contest to choose the “winners” who get to stand in line to taste Veena’s saliva. The record would be a huge gift for her on her birthday, just imagine how proud her parents would be, their daughter getting into Guinness by kissing hundred times in one minute. I bet their chest would just swell with pride (or nausea, or heart attacks).

Veena Darling, couldn’t you come up with something more innovative to promote yourself and your new upcoming movie? I guess not…sigh..

and YES, If any of you are interested to sign up for this contest then please log in to www.kill-yourself-with-a-blunt-butter-knife.com.


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