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Infidelity is sportier than golf

Read on to know how, why, where, when and what

When Tiger Woods’ official website said that Woods was returning, I, for once, shivered with excitement. We all remember him, don’t we? He provided us great entertainment by cheating on his wife. Some also know him as a Golfer. With Tiger’s return, I was hoping there would be more classic Woods one-liners like, ‘A lion would never cheat but a Tiger Wood’. In my dull, boring life this seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel.

But things came a crashing when I realised that he’s returning to the sport of golf and not to the sport of marriage infidelity. Like who cares about golf? If you are like me, you’ll probably have no idea what golf is. Here’s my definition of golf to shed some light.

Golf (a definition by L): 1. A sport which compels you to quickly change the channel.
2. A sport that succeeds in making the task of ‘putting something in a hole’ boring.
That kinda sums it up. I guess Tiger finally realised that playing the same sport and being with the same woman over a long period of time can be boring. A solution to both of his predicaments was the sport of marriage infidelity. I know it doesn’t have much of an audience as of now, but I think it has a lot of hidden potential. For those still skeptical about this, by highlighting the finer aspects of marriage infidelity, I present the list of reasons as to why it is such a kickass sport.

1. You can play marriage infidelity in a small room. Thus, saving precious area. Land is hard to find, you know!
2. You don’t need to buy any instruments.
3. You are naturally gifted to play marriage infidelity.
4. No one is watching you, judging you. 5. You have only one club so it prevents you from making any error in selection. 6. There is no incorrect stroke. You won’t hear the following comment ever, ‘Oh! Look at that, clearly Tiger used the wrong stroke.’
7.You can’t lose.
8. Much more pleasurable.
9. You don’t play marriage infidelity with well dressed men.
Frankly, I believe that Tiger Woods was really good at marriage infidelity. Yet, his performance was above par. It’s sad that he has decided to quit this sport and abandoned it in its nascent stage. Tiger has set a bad example here. I mean when you love doing something – in his case with different partners – you should continue doing it even if the returns are less. You need to do it for the sheer love of it and continue doing it till you’ve that last drop of… err blood left in you. Eventually you’ll get what you deserve and money will start flowing in. Now, that would be a real role model.

PS: Here’s the definition of Golf that I found in the Concise Oxford dictionary tenth edition: golf 1. A game played on a large open-air course, the aim of which is to strike a small, hard ball with a club into a series of small holes with the fewest possible strokes. This sounds like the description of a sadistic sex game.

PPS: Doesn’t Tiger Woods sound like the perfect porn star name?

-L

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