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Idli with Iyer

Following the success of chat shows on the lines of “Koffee with Karan” and “Rendezvous with Simi Garewal”, we have decided to travel on the same lines and have a talk show of our own – Idly with Iyer.

There is a tremendous logic that has gone behind the naming of this show. It has been named in such a way that it has both global and South Indian appeal. The name is such that Van Damne would think that this show is about sitting and idling and killing the time away whereas back home, Vishwanathan must be wondering if they’d serve Molaga Podi or Chutney along with the Idly. So in effect, the title itself brings some amount of unpredictability to the show. Now let’s look into the nitty gritties of the show.

The dress code for the anchor is going to be very colorful; very unlike the plain black and plain white in the above stated shows. The anchor (yours truly) will be wearing designer lungis (checks, lines, lycra all alike) specially designed by world famous designers like Gucci, Tommi Hilfiger, Armani, Versace etc. Adding contrast to lungis will be contrasting baniyans from world famous brands like Rupa, Amul, Sando etc.

Similarly the sets would be decorated with plantain & coconut trees. We’d also have bright, shiny kanjeevaram sarees for curtains. Top it off with kolam (rangoli) made on the floor and a well made NIRAPARA on top of the kolam. So there… the set looks just perfect for the show to begin.

The guests would be welcomed to the soft beats of nadaswaram and panchavadyam. They would be then provide with chukku vellam and coconut water as their welcome drinks.

Add to that their welcome snacks in the

form of the kerala halwa (or haluva as they like to call it) and banana chips. We are sure by the time all these things have traveled into their tummies, they’d have no place for any Idlys and the host could eat all of them for himself. *evil grin*

This would be followed by the guests being put to the torture of answering a spate of
questions put forward by the host. And NO!!! There would be no prompts in form of cue cards or moving questions behind the camera. All questions would be extempore. Sample questions here are given…

Host: Do you have kids?
Guest1 : Yes
Host : Oh Good!!! Are you married?
Guest1 : *ONE TIGHT SLAP*

Director : Do it the other way round idiot…

Host : Are you married?
Guest2 : No
Host : Good… How many kids do you have?
Guest2 : *One Tight Chamaat*

Director : *cut cut* arey kaun leke aaya yaar is ch*tiye ko?

Err… err… let’s leave this part at that and move on to the next one…

Then we have the Formality Quickfire Round where we use concepts like word matching, match the following, fill in the blanks, True or False (all stolen from leaked question papers of Std. 1 – 5). This would help us judge the IQ level of the guests thus exposing their “so called” intellect (or the lack of it) to the public at large.

Lastly we have the formality of signing on Idlys. Idlys that were prepared a week before and which have hardened into something more hard and sturdy than a golf ball will be used for this purpose. The guests will be asked to sign on the hard &
sturdy Idly with a marker pen and will be stored on a
strategic banana leaf decorated with chutney, molaga podi and sambhar.

Then we roll out credits where we thank the Communist Government of Kerala, & AIADMK Government of Tamil Nadu for not interfering with the
programme, contents or the producers and directors of the program thus making it a
success in terms of production and screening. Followed by blacking out (of the screen… and not to mention… your minds)

adios…

PS: Coming to your screens shortly… So you better break your TV set with immediate effect… and then don’t come back to us stating that we didn’t warn you beforehand.
– Arun Iyer

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