Home » zArchives » Humour » Cover story » Gastrology


Arnab a.k.a. Greatbong peers into the future without his contact lenses. And this is what he sees…

-Aishwarya Rai will marry Abhishek Bachchan just so that people can stop obsessing with the “will-they-won’t-they?” and get on with their lives. As an added benefit, news-channels can go back to doing something they have forgotten for some time now—- reporting news.

– Sanjay Gupta will get the patent on Inspiro —-a super-intelligent mega-machine that takes in DVDs of movies in any language and based on a proprietary algorithm mixes and matches scenes from these DVDs and outputs original, “hatke” Hindi movies.

– India will win the World Cup 2007 beating the Australians in the final. The Kabaddi World Cup that is.

– Oxford will change the spelling of the word “friendship” to “franship” in honor of India’s growing influence in the world and the proliferation of this new spelling on Orkut’s scrapbooks.

– The Indian Institute for Internati-onal Dreamers (I3D) will emerge as India’s premier management institute. Touted as an entity that is beyond all rankings, its founding philosophy is based on the axiom that it’s dreamers and not managers that change the world. After all, did Isaac Newton go to a management school? No. He just saw some apples drop and then revolutionized modern science. Did Bill Gates ace the GMAT? No. He simply dreamt big. It is this art of dreaming that students need to learn which is where I3D steps in with its fictitious facilities and its world renowned faculty of dreamers. What will catch on like wildfire among placement divisions of all management institutes will be I3D’s motto: “God help those who help themselves. Just let us have your money.”

– Reservations will be extended beyond education institu-tional, the public and the private sector. Historic wrongs shall be corrected and social justice be sought by having 49.5 % of contestants in Miss India be over 200 lbs in weight.

– Rakhi Sawant will be the third Indian woman in space. In an unprecedented gesture, many right-thinking Indians will contribute to the “Send Rakhi Sawant to Outer Space on a One-way Ticket” endeavor and once she gets there, the honorable lady will create history by becoming the first human being to do an item-number on the moon in a skimpy astronaut suit. She will also make the Martian news channels by claiming she got smooched against her will by a green-eyed alien.

Arnab, who describes himself as a “disgruntled movie fanatic, wannabe politician, tranquil cosmic citizen on the prowl for mind bending experiences” blogs at http://greatbong.net

About admin