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F__ __ __ YOU

Shh!

Don’t tell it out loudly. Not acceptable. Not in this culture.

To talk about things like this! That too in a magazine like ours! Who knows which moral police out there will decide that JAM has crossed the line!

“What is this nonsense!” they will say as they read this issue in a train while next to them a woman is being rubbed against by a rowdy college going boy. “How can they publish such nonsense about college going boys and girls in hamara desh! I will burn down their office immediately!”

While we enjoy a little journalistic challenge in bringing out this magazine there are some things we frown upon.

Burning down our office is one of them.

Therefore this article is going to be ek dum 100% politically correct. Completely compatible with the high moral standards espoused by our over populated nation.
If, in the annals of human history, they need to look for one printed magazine article that will stand for complete and utter political correctness, this is going to be it.

In fact I am even going to leave out all the words that might cause a problem. No naughty terms for me today thank you very much.

Use your imagination. Fill it in yourselves. Feel free. Freak out. But do it in a quiet place by yourself. Filling the words I mean. Ha!

So, to be very honest about it, this article is about people, like you and me, ______ out like mad on college campuses and even outside.

Well ok, I will be honest. I never _____ out too much myself. I went to an engineering college you see. Where we had 30 girls for every 400 boys.

The ___ Ratio was pretty _____ up. (Nope I won’t even use an iffy word in a non-iffy setting. Complete and utter servitude to the great heritage and tradition of the country.)

So most of the time we just ended up chilling around in our rooms and ______. (Clue: Single room. Done in ten minutes for guys. Upto a week for girls.)

And then I went to business school where, technically, you were allowed to go into the girls’ hostel. So I did. And then left in ten minutes because I knew nobody there.

So really I am not an authority on this topic of how boys and girls in colleges today are using every chance possible to ______ out. Even if it means doing it in public. (And by ‘it’ I mean the act of ______ and perhaps even _____ a little. I don’t think anybody ______ in public yet. If they do, please send me videos. As I wish to update myself on this virus eating at the very heart of our society.)

I have been told, by the intrepid reporters at JAM, that people use things like abandoned class rooms, auditoria, dark corners in the college canteen, isolated walkways behind the buildings and even parked cars to _____ some _____.

Far away from the prying eyes of our moral police who will immediately swoop on these couples, even if it means breaking red lights and destroying public property.
After all, nothing and I mean NOTHING, is as important as protecting the fragile fabric of moral correctness that is all that stands between our country and the downright cultural corruption of the West where they have employment, social security, public toilets, friendly policemen, clean cities and public transport which women can use without fear of getting pawed and rubbed up against.

For instance check out the Scandinavian countries. Great infrastructure. Great standard of living. Responsible government. Close to nil corruption.

But boy do those sick goras ______ out like mad in public. Sometimes I feel sorry for them. And their vulgar, ungodly ways. “How do they sleep with this on their conscience?” is something I often think and lose sleep over.

But inspite of the odds stacked against them: cops, moral watchdogs, watchdogs, regular dogs and post-retirement uncles and aunties who can’t remember the last time they got some ______ at night and some quick ______ before breakfast in the mornings, our young men and women persevere.

They balance on bikes, hide under trees and crouch inside broken down rickety old cars just so that they can learn what all the fuss with ______ is about.

And this is all I have to say them: “Stop doing that right now! We live in a morally flawless country! NO! Not in a free one!”

After reading this issue of JAM I was taken aback at the decrepit state of our moral fabric. Pretty much like our roads, airports, schools and water supply. But those things don’t affect us in the way that… shudder…. ______ in a public place does.

Shame on you young people! I can’t believe the future of the nation is in the hands of people like you who don’t think twice before ______, ______, _______ and _______ in parks and on beaches.

______ you all who are getting some!

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