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Did Someone Say Freedom of Speech?

Did Someone Say Freedom of Speech?
I don’t strike to many as the philosophical type. In fact sometimes even I doubt that my mind can think of anything more complex than wiping my drool as I stare wide eyed at Megan Fox’s wallpapers.

But then there are nights when I feel the Socrates inside me come alive. I sit on my terrace blankly staring at the twinkling stars, and then I wonder about everything under the sky. Like, are we alone in this universe? Or, will we ever find an alternative fuel source? Or, why are my armpits so hairy? I have a resounding doubt that somehow Axe Deos enhance hair growth… So, after contemplating between different means of torture, i.e. Waxing or Shaving the hair, I gave up. I rather tie them in braids with pink rubber bands then go through such pain.

Eventually I also think about more important things in life, like Play-station, Junk Foods, Night-outs, Long drives, Making out, and also our basic rights in the Indian constitution.
Yeah, did you know that for a country whose constitution has been named the best in the world, we (to put it plainly) suck.

Freedom of Speech and Expression? My *$^#&$ …

Sorry, the word had to be censored so as to not hurt your sentiments.

You can’t say a word in this place freely without hurting anybody’s sentiments. Unless you are diplomatic (*censored) like Mr. (*censored *twice).

I can’t say I hate my Job cuz it demeans my office, and my boss and telling the truth isn’t acceptable. I can’t say that cricket is stupid, cuz it demeans our national pastime, and telling the truth isn’t acceptable. I can’t say that (insert movie name here) sucks because someone or the other will come up to me and argue about how they love the hero and if I don’t take my words back they’ll punch me all the way to the plastic surgeon, cuz truth just isn’t acceptable.

You can’t talk sex, you can’t talk religion, you can’t talk politics, you can’t talk about our neighboring countries, and Hell! You can’t even utter a simple profanity without someone bleeping it on live television.

How is one supposed to express if they are constantly under the fear of the government peeps keeping a constant eye on them? Waiting for them to (*censored) up so that the FBI can break in through their windows ‘Minority Report’ style, arrest them and throw them into jail. I’m guessing pretty soon there will be cases like “Convict Aditya Ingale is accused of two murders, two rapes, two heists (*yawn) and two likes on FB on his friends’ status” (*the entire court gasps).

The reason for my anger outbreak right now is because of two things, first one is I need to go to loo urgently and it is already occupied. And secondly, a recent article from a leading newspaper has bought to my limited attention that now we’ll have to watch what we write on Social Media.

The article quoted that according to some law we cannot write anything against a person, an organization or any such thing. Any such comments will be treated as defamation cases and will be acted upon according to the Cyber laws of India.

Quoting Socrates’ name in my article isn’t a mere coincidence. Socrates was a great man who fought for these rights. Sure, he was sentenced to death in a very gruesome way for it later. But it’s his teachings that are more important. How exactly is it freedom of speech and expression if I’m afraid of being put in jail every time I say anything?

So from now on be careful what you talk about my fellow Facebookers and Twitterers, the government has its eye on you. From now on, I can’t say that Mc’D has bad food—because everyone already knows that. I can’t say anything about Rakhi Sawant— because my pocket money is a lil short of 50 crores. And I can’t say anything about our government just because it’s the truth—cuz let’s face it, I’m not a terrorist! I’m just an average guy who put a status. So I’ll be immediately arrested, immediately prosecuted, and I won’t even get my Biryani before they hang me from the Gateway of India.

To put it statistically, we live in a country of 1,241,491,960 people (at the time of writing this article). Which means you can’t throw a pebble here without it bouncing off at least three heads. Everything you say will have repercussion—good and bad. Some people will agree with me and compliment me on this write up, while some people will print screen this and give it to the CID and have Daya break down my doors while ACP does the ‘chammak challo’ step.

To put it metaphorically, we all are like billion different metal pots stacked in a truck having a drunk driver with rash driving issues. The driver is taking us on a wild ride, on the world famous pot hole ridden roads of India. It’s obvious that the pots will clash and create noise. And these clashes will continue until either this truck runs out of fuel or we get rid of the drunk driver. Think about it, all we need for a peaceful journey is a decent driver…simple.

And Yes, I had to use the truck driver metaphor; because otherwise I would have to speak about it openly…and as you guys already know…the truth just isn’t acceptable.

I’ll leave you guys to think over this thought. Meanwhile I have something more important to do. Just one last question for you guys, does anyone know which Shaving Cream I can use on my armpits?

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