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Cannes Ke Mehamaan

1. Ba
Only last month, I attended the Hanuman Jayanti phestival thrown by Phekta Kapoor and now ek aur phestival! I hope I don’t have to do garba again, since half my salary is spent in buying 55+ Vitamin tablets for extra energy. I am not fashion impaired like Cashwarya because if you remember, I used to be a fashion designer in the earlier episodes of KSBKBT. I don’t intend to give myself a bharatiya look like Nandita Crass. She was looking like Hansa with all the gajra! If Diane Keatonben can wear evening gowns at the age of 65, why can’t I? Hai lote, but the function is in the afternoon. Is there anything called an afternoon gown?

2. Sneha Gullal
Hurray! I am the first teenager to be invited for the Cannes festival. This feeling is so much better than winning the essay competition in school! But first, I have to first ask my Geography teacher where Cannes is located. I hope they are not confusing me with the Cashwarya Rai, like Vivek Obey-Rai who made out with me by mistake yesterday. Neeta Julla will design all my polka dotted frocks and I will wear pigtails to doll myself up. All my dresses will have to match with the colours of ‘Action School Time’ shoes since I am invited there as their brand ambassador. I hope this trip turns out to be ‘lucky’.

3. Bobby Streeling
Oh my God! I prayed for an invitation to Ozzy Osbourne’s pool party, but this isn’t a bad bet. Actually, the dates of the event clash with the Star Parivaar Awards, where I have been nominated four times in the Best ‘Anokha-Vichitra Kirdaar’ category. I’ll be traveling by Virar fast local (ladies special) on Wednesday, to buy stuff from my friend cum sales-lady Champa, who sells earrings and bindis in the second class compartment. What a terrific collection she has! I believe John ‘Woo’, the director of Mission Impossible is on the jury. I shall ‘woo’ him to make a film on me called ‘Mission Impossible – 3’ which could be my autobiography and also my foray into Hollywood.

4. Payal Show-tagi
Thanks to my films like Laila – A Mystery, Tauba Tauba and Fun, which were screened at the Chembur film festival and saw a turnover of over 10,000 truck drivers, I am now recognized. I shall meet many casting directors at Cannes and I hear they are planning a sequel to Striptease. I hope I bag the role before Makhi Sawant gets it. Hopefully, the casting couches are more comfortable out there. I hear Mallika Pherawat is enacting the monologue of ‘The Short Skirt’ in the Vagina Monologues. Is there one called, ‘No Skirt’ that I can enact?

Ramchandra Mutt too received the invitation to be the jury member, but turned it down, because those dates are clashing with the Lokhandwala Dog’s Festival.

Toon: Sumesh Pillai Text: Viren Naidu

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