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Book Review: 50 Shades Of Grey

‘Fifty Shades of grey’ or is it ‘Sixty Nine Shades of erotica’? This latest bestseller by the author E. L. James has toppled the mighty Harry Potter and the sparkly Twilight series. One more proof that ‘Sex sells’.

The book ‘Fifty shades of grey’ should have actually been named ‘Sixty Nine shades of grey’. Because there is nothing much else in it. Erotica has never been more redundant.

The story is basically a raunchier version of ‘Twilight’ books, minus the sparkling vampires. It’s told in a first person perspective of female protagonist, ‘Anastasia Steele’ who is a goody good girl, studious, virginal, no boyfriend, no parties, and no life whatsoever. In a sudden twist of fate, her best friend requests her to interview of a famous rich businessman.

That’s when Anastasia meets Edward—Oh Sorry! I meant Christian Grey. Excuse the mix up, it’s just that even in this book entire pages are wasted just on Mr. Grey’s appearance, it gets quite boring reading about his unruly hair over and over again. He’s supposedly more handsome than Tom Cruise and Johnny Depp’s love child, with more charm than Gerald Butler, as evil as Lucifer with a bondage fetish and richer than Apple after they won the lawsuit against Samsung.

If you guys are interested in reading sweet Erotica, go to your nearest Crossword, pick up a Mills and Boons, directly open the middle page and start reading (*winks). If you are interested in torture, pain (physical for Ana, mental for us) and are of the opinion that a woman’s position should stay below a man (no sexual pun intended) read this book.

Ana has taken all the hard work that Women’s Right Activists have done all their lives and thrown it into the garbage can of Mr. Grey’s ‘playground’.She’s like, “Screw Women Empowerment! I want Christian Grey’s ****”. Oh and by the way, he is so generously ‘endowed’ that his company business ‘Grey Holdings Enterprise’ might as well be, “Grey Borewell Diggers” instead.

The book revolves around a Dominant and Submissive relationship between Christian and Ana, for which he makes her sign paperwork. Consisting of a non-disclosure agreement and an agreement of conditions like, ‘she can’t touch him’, ‘can’t make eye contact’, ‘no emotional relationship with him, just physical’ and ‘if she breaks the code of conduct, she’d be punished with painful looking objects!’

And just out of curiosity, she signs it. I guess this is where the saying, “Curiosity gets the cat spanked badly by a leather belt” came from. By the end of the book, she gets fed up of his mannerisms and decides to leave but not before she gets punished by the afore mentioned leather belt.

How this book ends up in the bestseller’s list is beyond me.

I guess if J.K.
Rowling decides to come up with a raunchier version of Harry Potter with spells like ‘Fabric Revelio’, ‘Vibrato Pleasuro’ and ‘Magicka Bonds’ even that book would end up topping the bestseller’s list.

Fifty Shades is not worth all the hype. E.L. James has average story telling skills but a decent sense of erotic writing, which makes the book readable for anyone desperate enough. The book is part of a trilogy but sadly I do not possess the patience to read through another book with endless pages of how sexy Mr. Grey’s chest hair is. Now excuse me, I have to go to the Crossword store across the block for some light reading (*winks).

Or better, I’ll stick to Grey’s Anatomy on TV.

– Adityaa Ingale

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