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BADA$$ Kompany

Welcome to the biggest, baddest reality show on TV. We are looking for glamorous badasses, scamsters and their ilk. So get really evil, and come out with all guns blazing (Background music: Ganda hai par dhandha hai yeh)

Hello, everyone. Main hoon Fahid, oops, Shawheed. Humein talaash thi un kaminon ki, jo ho kuch itne bure, ki hamaare judges bolein !@#$%^&*, yeh to mera bhi baap nikla! Hum hain show ke last stage par, aur humein apna bada idea milne hi wala hai, jisse mera
film career bhi bada…

Everyone knows him. The king of Eye Pee Ell and its parties, the man with a hundred mansions, a thousand crores! He’s rumoured to have every body part sponsored, and he’s the only person in the world who can sell ANYTHING, please welcome, Laalhit Moodi. (Background music: Pocket mein rocket hai!)

He’s perhaps the only person in the world who’s made thousands of crores by selling what is essentially portions of air, he’s one of the best badasses there are in the increasingly competitive industry. Please welcome, Mr. Aye Raaja (Background music: Aye Raju!)

The undisputed queen badass! There is just no stopping this woman. She’s a fine example that women are as good as men. That’s why she vehemently opposes the 33 pc reservation for women. Please welcome, Ms Maalawati (Background music: Tu paisa paisa karti hai, kyun paise pe tu marti hai)

We’ve had a long journey. We went from the top 10, which had the likes of Aamgopal Verma and Sucky Sawant, to the top 5 – Cutrina Caif, Zayeda Khan, Nogood Beedi, Reetik Lotion and Maaji. Last time, we eliminated 2 fine contestants. It was a tough decision, but we had to do it.
Let’s hear it from our badasses who were kicked out last time

Cutrina caif I’ve acted in Blue, Yuvvraaj. I’ve been carrying the same expression for about 20-odd films, and I still can’t speak a word of Hindi. And I forgot. I was also in New York. Yet I demand author-backed roles. I can’t believe I was eliminated. Isn’t that enough? I think I’ll have to get Dullman to break some bones here!

Zayeda Khan Hey, I’m Zayeda Khan, the cool dude of Bollywood. I’ve been a part of Blue, Rockky and Mission Istanbul.
I’ve even appeared in pan masala ads with Fardin Khan! Even my ‘cool laugh’ isn’t badass enough! Maybe if my family member was a judge…

Let’s hear it for our finalists!

Nogood Beedi Very, very nervous.
I don’t know why I’m here. One of my friends sent in my resume as a joke and I got selected. I’ve been on Emosanal Hatyachar and embarrassed myself in front of the entire nation on Exxxxtra Innings with Samir Kochar. Is that being badass? Is that yet another stupid question on my ever growing list?

Reetik Lotion I’m the hero in Kytes. I think that’s badass enough. We made the whole country wait for my film! You saw the phone ad about the movie? That is how I said yes to the film. How badass is that!

Maaji Aka Hindi Satan Arey main toh ladki dikhane chali thhi. Iss kalmui anaath ki shaadi hi nahi hoti! Bhagwaan hi bachaye humein. Lekin baat hamari pakki hai. Hum hi jeetenge.Chal hat chudail camera, jaa! Tere maike walon ne kuch sikhaya nahi kya?

The Result

It was a very difficult decision for us jury, but we have decided. First I will take a 15-second pause, and then a 30-second ad break. Then a pause, and a break again.
Okay now that is done, Reetik is the winner. Welcome to Badass Kompany, Reetik!
Let’s get rolling, baby. Get that Mori girl!

Haye marjaawan, Reetik! Tera paison ke haar se swagat karungi! Aur phir tera
aur mera statue banega.

Amma, I’m 3G times more handsome than him! See how good how I look here!

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