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Animal IN-Stinks

Human kind is the most sophisticated species on the Planet Earth. Being organized, civilized and cultured beings, we are completely different from any other species on the globe. But sadly our superiority over other species lasts only until; a hot babe gets employed in our workplace!

Because as soon as something even remotely hot ‘girl like’ enters a workplace environment; Men turn into all sorts of animals to get the attention of the belle. The human nature abandons them like a government servant abandons his office at the tick of 5 PM. Then the empty spaces in their brains get filled up with what mother nature calls ‘animal instincts’ and father science calls, ‘dementia’. They basically turn into beasts whose only goal is to woo the prospective mate, unless their Team lead likes her too, because then they have to let go of the chick for the greater good (Read: Job, Money and career). There are many different types of animals that surround the hot babes in offices, but most notably are the Wolf, the Monkey and the Donkey.

The wolf kinds will gather around her in packs and whistle at her every move, sadly they are too coward to do anything individually and the limit of their attraction is just to stick out their tongue towards the dame and drool uncontrollably when she is not looking.

The monkey kinds are more fun, these men will do all sorts of stupid stuff like picking their nose for the longest nostril hair, jumping around in a manner that it almost seems like dance steps, and making a dinner plan from the lice in her head. Everything they will do is to try and make her laugh. Of course, she does laugh— though it’s mostly out of pity. But the majority of species that the ‘Haute girl’ attracts is the Donkeys!

Yup! Those poor little simpletons that believe they are getting showered by the senorita’s attention when actually they are just doing all her work, lifting all her weights, completing her paperwork, while she is there flirting with the Wolves.

As I sit in the canteen and watch this daily drama unfold, it’s like my personal version of Splitsvilla and Emotional Atyachaar mashup. The Wolves are standing at the corners silently checking out their prey, the Monkeys stand a bit closer trying stupid shenanigans to make the lady laugh. But the ones I sympathize with most are the Donkeys. These are the guys that circle around those chicks as if they are satellites on orbit. They do anything and everything to please their crush, but sometimes when their orbiting fails they plummet into the atmosphere where they just burn up rapidly leaving their self-esteem reduced pile of ashes. They stoop down to levels ranging from plain pathetic, to ‘Pavitra Rishta’ level of pitiful to get the girl.

Sadly desperation is as attractive as pimples are, and so the girl moves on to other people who are slightly more tolerable.

I wouldn’t blame the girls at all, if people behaved so stupidly around me, I would be making everyone do my homework, my laundry, and my plans to construct giant robot from Pacific Earth. Remember, If you are going to behave like a carpet, people are going to walk all over you and wipe the chewing gum stuck in their shoe to your face.

Any girl is just a girl, no matter how hot she is, she is still just a human being that has an amazing DNA structure. Don’t undermine your importance over someone else, because no matter how unattractive you are, even if you resemble Rahul Roy, you will find someone who likes you for what you are (though if you really resemble him, then it’s a really slim chance). Till then keep your pride intact, hold your head high, keep your eyes focused, roll your tongue back in, and stop drooling over her.

Now excuse me, now that the lunch break is almost over and most of the crowd near her has waned, it’s my turn to go and flirt with the Hottest babe of my office. Why do I go alone after everyone has left, you ask? Because, “Kutte jhund mein hote hai, Sher to akela hi aata hai!”


About aditya

Aditya is a humour writer and awaiting to publish his first book. He is passionate about gaming, and has trained in animation. He resides in Pune.