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7 things: So bad that they are good

 

Anyone who has seen the movie “Gunda” ( not the creepy Gunday with the Bromance , but as Bulla says Gund-Aaaaaaaaaa ) knows the line between good and bad is so thin that scientists have often termed it as the only question that cannot be answer by Einstein’s general theory of relativity. In India, specially , we have so many masters at the trait of blurring the lines between the good and bad , that the IIMs have considered adding it as a special 1 year course you can take. With special guest lectures from Kanti Shah. To prove that emptying of brain doesn’t need 2 years of B School.

Time and again , I have tried to somehow list down the seven things that deep down everyone knows are bad, yet we are enticed by them nevertheless .Why seven ? Because it is my girlfriends favourite number. Why? Because Coffee tastes good. But I have failed miserably every time. Let’s see if this does any better. So here goes. (I hope no one puts this write up in their lists)

7. Twitter Celebs 

With all the good things that social networking websites, probably the best “so bad its good” thing to have come of that production have to be twitter celebs. These are entities that have opinions about everything. And I kid you not. It really is everything. Starting from Hot girls to Kashmir to colour of curtains. To top it all off, these incredibly strong opinions are often disguised as jokes which only supposed intellectuals get. Case in point:

#YoKejriwalSoHonest that he admits when he farts

I mean cringe worthy sure. So bad its good. Definitely.

6.  Saas Bahu Serials

Ekta Kapoor breathed a breath of the stale-lest air with her K series which more than anything tell us that Indian women go to sleep wearing make up. They bathe wearing make up. They apply make up while wearing make up. I mean confirms so many of my childhood doubts that does. The triple “Kya, Kya, Kya” take of most actors when they hear news ranging from “You have black shoes in your wardrobe” to “A terrorist accidentally detonated a nuclear bomb on United States , while playing Candy Crush”  has attained iconic status . So much so Barack Obama is thinking of renaming his Presidential pitch as “Yes we kya kya kya-n” (See what I mean by so bad its good? Hahahahaha) .

5. Chetan Bhagat and his many mistakes

C-Bag as he has never been known, is sometimes so lovely with his words that you wish to take him to Pluto and leave him there forever. To sum up all his books in 3 words would actually be a very difficult task.

Sex, Fights, Reunite.

Or not. I love the way he describes the sexual intimacy of his characters. I can try to describe it. Grow really long nails. Turn up for class. Go near the blackboard. Scratch the blackboard with your nails. Enjoy the sound it produces.

4. Bappi Lahiri/Himesh/Honey Singh Songs

The last time something with as much metal and mass as Bappi Lahiri moved the way he does, Copernicus discovered Earth’s rotation. But apart from that less known fact, Bappi Lahiri, has been famous for so many years for bringing the Disco to the world we call India. The worst thing about Bappi Lahiri songs are the way they go about their business almost routinely for most part like a IT engineer and then come to life like someone who just had a shotgun blast on him butt (Remember, Toh Jhumo Toh Nacho Toh mere sang nacho Gao. I am a Disco Dancer tan tan tana). And perhaps in that it makes it leap into the realm of goodness.

Himesh and Honey Singh have been trendsetters. In making really repulsive music with lyrics which provides Dr.Batra most of his hair transplant business. I mean “Tera Pyaar pyaar pyaar Hookah Bar”. What does that even mean? Tera pyaar is very expensive? Tera pyaar makes me smoke? Tera pyaar makes me suck?  Brings out the Newton in you. And Yo Yo . Who else invokes the hidden chemistry enthusiast in you. With such gems as “Aaj Blue hai paani paani paani …”

3. Selfies

Admit it. Sometime in the recent past, you have put on a glum smile on your face. Held your phone with the left hand. And with outstretched hands tried to fit your rather huge body into the relatively small screen of your phones. And then seen the picture with just a nose and your hand and deleted the picture. And cried yourself to sleep. Rumour has it that if you have not done the above, then NSA is demanding your DNA, and is testing it for super human strength and checking if you wear your underwear over your pant. Because not doing the above is not humanly possible.

2. Rahul Gandhi Speeches

Love him. Hate him. Mostly you just want to ignore him. Or not. Giving Sarah Palin a run for the dumbest politician ever is not an achievement to be scoffed at. Think about it. What do think when I say Women Empowerment? Genderless job environments? You wish. Feminism? Naah. Rahul Gandhi? Yes the one and the only. Not only that, he has given some amazing quotable quotes like 2 in 1 children in Gujurat are hungry. I mean Rahul, I really applaud your sense of helping the kids and the women of this country. But I am sure they are a bit better off than the statistics you throw at us.

1. Gunda

I think anyone who doesn’t put Gunda on the top of their “So Bad Its Good” list is either very drunk. Or has not watched Gunda. A close confidante of Narendra Modi has actually gone on record and said “Anyone who has not watched Gunda , cannot possibly call himself an Indian citizen. They should migrate to Pakistan. “Or not. But you get the point.

The whole origin of this list came when Kanti Shah (rumoured to be from the future ) struck gold with his rhyme a dozen movie “Gunda”. I mean think about it. Every character has a rhyming entry dialogue which they go on repeating throughout the movie. Eg : “Mera naam hai Bulla , Aur main Rakhta hoon Khulla ” and ” Mera naam hai Chutiya,Achon-achon ki main khadi karta hoon khatiya”  and the legendary Ibu Hatela with ” Mera naam hai Ibu Hatela,Maa meri chudail ke beti,Baap mera shaitan ka chela,(pointing downwards) Khayega kela? ”

It is so bad it literally feels like you got kicked in the balls by a T-Rex. And yet you can’t help but marvel at the depth of some of the dialogue and the delightful portrayal of women. Example:

Bulla crying over his raped and murdered sister Munni

“Munni ! Munni ! Munni meri behen Munni, Munni Munni meri behen Munni, Munni To tu mar gayee? Lambu ne tujhe lamba kar diya? Maachis ki teeli ko khamba kar diya? Arey mere dil mein kya kya armaan thay tere liye.Maine to tere liye Teen-sau chokre dekhe the…who bhi ekdma chikne, Jo tujhe bhaata, wohi tera pati banta Magar tu to katela gurda, yaane murda ho gayee”

Lambu-Aata pleading for mercy to Bulla

“Bulla mereko mat maar, mat maar.Mereko apna Bhadwa bane le,Mai tereko ladkiyaan supply karoonga, tu maje lete reh Tereko AIDS se bachaane ke liye nirodh ban jaaonga Towel banker teri kamar se lapat jaaonga.Mereko mat mar aur agar maarna hee hai To mereko cheel-chaal ke chakka bana de. Mai saadi lapetkar dance karoonga “gore gore gaal gaal gore gore, yun na mujhe daal daal dore dore dore dore”

Wow. Just Wow. And trust me these dialogues in writing don’t even begin the scratch the surface. You got to watch Gunda. You just have to.

Otherwise book a flight to Pakistan supposedly.

Live or die. Make your choice.

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