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Taking Stock

There are several youth-oriented magazines out there which only believe in making a big hue and cry about the usual youth-type topics: love, romance, education, technology, food, substance abuse, music, petty crimes and employment.

And then there are the magazines, and I mean solid outfits like JAM here, that believe in a going the extra mile to ensure they are relevant to their readers. We want to not just tell you about all the obvious fun stuff in life but also about the serious bits that no one else talks about. The things that could give your adult life that extra fillip when you need it.

Things like “rejection in love”, “repeated rejection in love”, “bouncing back from failure”, “coping with fungal infection” and of course “using words like ‘fillip’ with a straight face.”

As far as we know no other youth magazine in India covers such serious topics in such depth as JAM does.

So this week I am going to talk about a topic that one would never find covered in a normal youth magazine for fear of scaring away the usual readership.

This week we are going to talk about the, drum roll, wait for it, one more moment, THE STOCK MARKET.

Yipee!

Hey come back here! Don’t go away! This can get interesting. This could open up a world of career options you know! So do read on. Not only that, at several point in this article I talk a bit about foxy ladies in tiny, wet clothes.

See. I told you that the stock market could get interesting.

Now most young people get immediately turned off when there is talk about the Stock Market. Things improve marginally when I utter slowly, with well chosen pauses, the word ‘Sensex’. But few young people see the need to worry about things like stocks and shares and exchanges as it is normally seen as the purview of boring adults.

This is possibly true. For instance a typical conversation between two adult stock market experts would be as follows:

Adult 1: “Hey wassup? Hows the stock market looking?”
Adult 2: “Its up 2%. Not bad at all.”
Adult 1: “Cool. And now?”
Adult 2: “Its down a bit.”
Adult 1: “Oh damn! And now?”
Adult 2: “Up again!”
Adult 1: “Cool. Good talking to you man.”
Adult 2: “I know. That was some rad stuff. See you.”

Not exactly a searing page-turner of a conversation.

But this does not necessarily mean that you, as a young person with ambition, must not know the bare minimum about the mechanics of the Indian stock markets. Indeed, on the contrary, one must know the essentials of how these things work.

Paris Hilton washing a car.

So to help you on this voyage of discovery about the stock market I have prepared a little FAQ. These will help you get a fundamental understanding about how it all works and how people are raking in the moolah.

So we seriously need to do this? Talk about the Stock Market in JAM?
Yup. It is fascinating you know.

Hmm. Okay then. So what is a stock market?
It is a place where people buy and sell shares in companies. The one in Mumbai is in Dalal Street. But nowadays you can trade online as well.

As in on the internet?
Yup.

Do they have women who trade online as well?
I suppose

Are they online all day?
I guess

Do you think they will be interested in friendship?
Well I guess some of them might be… HEY! What the ??!!… Can we have some focus here?

He he. You said something about raking in the moolah. How does that work?
Well if you buy a share when it is priced low and then, sometime later, the prices go really high you have done it. You can then make a good clean profit.

Wow. That’s all there is to it?
As shocking as this may sound… that is pretty much it.

But then I don’t get this. What makes the price of these shares go up and down so much?
Well it is really due to a combination of factors. These are all too complicated for you to understand.

Try me.
Okay. But don’t blame me if I lose you. For instance if inflation falls, a company performs well or even if interest rates go down then sometime share prices go up. Similarly if there is bad news in the market or people are feeling bad about a company then the stock price falls.

Heck that was some deep stuff man.
See I told you.

If it is so easy then why aren’t you doing it?
I am not the stock market type. I am more the creative writer sort.

Don’t give me that shit. Lost all your money didn’t you?
Well not ALL my money…

Loser.
Hey I am trying to help you man. You youth have no respect for serious stuff.

So you think I should invest in the stock market then?
Sure why not. It will give you a lot of returns in the future.

Hey you haven’t mentioned any foxy ladies in a while
Eh? Oh ok.

Lindsey Lohan washing a car.

Well done. I was hoping for Katrina Kaif. But whatever.
Oh god. Ok…

Katrina Kaif washing a car.

Nice one. I think I have really enjoyed this FAQ. It has taught me a lot about the stock market. Not to mention the lovely ladies.
So are you going to invest starting tomorrow? Are you?

Yeah sure.
So there. I am glad I could convince you

So there people. The stock market is not the super-boring adult-type thing after all is it? It can be a lot of fun for young people too. I do hope all of you will go forth and participate heartily in our vibrant economy by trading in shares.

No seriously. Loser.

Sidin Vadukut
Article originally posted in 2009

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