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safar ka suffer train
safar ka suffer train

Safar ka Suffer – species on the local train.

It took me four weeks weak analysis, to finally finish my thesis on types of travellers. You are bound to encounter the different varieties that I have identified, one time or the other. Here’s the deal – the travellers classification.

Touch me not:
This kind of species is found in every first class compartment. Whether it’s your bag, your earphones, your hand or even your strand of hair, this species is quick to react. They hate to be touched and react to any kind of contact with the outside world- physically. So, for now no zaara-zaara touch me also.
Remedy for these species: Government we have ladies-gents then why touch-me-not coaches. Huh why?
Theme song for this species- Choona naah choona…paari hoo mai.

No balls; all eyeballs:
This species is also in plenty. Whether you touch them or don’t, they may stare at you with utmost aggression like kuch dino pehlay tuney uski izzat looth li thi. They will stare at you when you are around, behind your back and also if you are ignoring them. If you look at them in the eye, half way you will realise you are increasing their aggression. But, tension not, they got balls only in their eyes.
Remedy for these species: Ignore them, else use your fist. They won’t hit back, coz for that you need balls.
Theme song: Ankiyon sey goli marey…

Door – Ek prem kahani:
These species are highly attracted to the door. They will push a hundred, trample a hundred more just to reach the door and secure their position. “Chal andhar chal” they may utter but it’s not for them. Here’s a piece of advice-practise what you preach brother!
Remedy for these species: Take their place. Try this only if you have a gang of four to take him down. This kind of species is highly radioactive to fight.
Theme song: Darwaza band kar doooh….(shaking mullets in the background)

Raja Hindustani:
Bright t-shirts, Rajnigandha, flashy embroidered jeans are some of the evident features of this species. Can also be found with sunglasses in the evening in some extreme cases. Highly advised to stay away from the door, especially the ladies. They try to hit pillars and signal posts that pass by, but chicken out at the last moment. In some cases where the virus takes its toll, these species are found on roof tops of trains despite repeated advices not to go there. Considered the most psycho of all the species, they are also spotted spitting a bucket full of Rajnigandha every five minutes. Beware!
Remedy for these species: Wanted dead….immediately!
Theme song: Tum hogay kamyab…ek din…ek din…

Space Hawra:
Their activities are very similar to the Door – Ek Prem Kahani species, except for the fact that they are fighting the battle for seats. Yes, you heard it right, they want to sit. To achieve what they want they may ignore a lady standing with a kid and show they are enjoying their returns of investment in the train pass. In most cases members of this species are never happy even after acquiring the seat. They will crib and cry about the lack of space to sit. In some worst cases they make hand symbols to the man sitting at the window seat to move further!
Remedy for these species: Never allow them to sit. Never!
Theme Song: I wanna sit right now naaa naaa…I wanna sit right now naaa naaa…

Call Centre:
These species are very accustomed to and their lives revolve closely around technology and communication. They always discuss the stock market. Some young cases have also been witnesses. These victims also talk about how much they love the other person on the phone. Post which they will text the same person. Also, sometimes may say – “You hang up…no you hang you..no you..” in an endless loop. These species would not exist if there was no technology. I -Robot is coming true.
Remedy for these species: Buy earphones and increase the volume on your ipods/music players.
Theme Song: Dikhtaa dikhtana dikhtana…dikh…dhik tana dikhtana dikha tana…Item tum khushiyon ka khazana..dhikh tana dhikh tana…..
The friendliest species found in the train. These species put the others to shame. They make sure others are comfortable and also enjoy the comfort themselves. They do not enter into unwanted arguments or comment passing. They love their world and provide comfort to all. Strong believer of ‘live and let live’. In most cases species have displayed strong points of humanity. Bravo!
Remedy for these species: Keep them safe They are the best.
Theme Song: species tujhe salaam…speciesss tujhe salam.

That’s all folks. Happy Journey! 😉

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