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Sportsman Species

Team Player:
For some inane reasons, he tries to be the modest guy of the lot. Ask him about his brilliant performances and he will credit his teammates, coaching staff, fans et al. He gives credit to these people during award ceremonies, his rehabilitation, his endorsements etc. So don’t be surprised if he answers to queries about his new born kid by saying, “It would be wrong to take the entire credit myself. I thank my teammates, coaching staff, board and my thousands of fans for making this come true.

Sissy Player:
These high calibre actors, have this great ability to fake injuries. Mostly found in football, they dive on the slightest touch from opposition players. It’s not surprising that their seemingly grave injuries occur when the opposition is showing resurgence. What’s really amazing is the near quickness with which they fake their injuries and the quickness with which they get better.

Statistician Player:
These players usually don’t bother to remember their records, until hey start performing badly. So when quizzed about their poor form, they will tell you about all the tiny things they did on field, like how they helped the day’s best bowler by first licking the ball before he bowled or how the top scorer of the match scored his century because they gave him their guards.

@$&*ing Player:
It doesn’t matter if they are winning or losing, they assume that their emotions can be best described by the f*cks and b@st@rds and many more colourful abuses. Personally I feel it’s wrong to have their faces caught by close cameras when they are shouting expletives. After all it’s bad education for kids who watch them and idolize them; apart from, of course, the animal sex on Discovery Channel.

– Nimish Varadkar

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