Ashish Shakya explores the Britney Spears phenomenon. Thankfully, it does not require him to listen to ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’.
There are very few things in this world that fascinate me as much as the dirt patterns on my left toenail. Britney Spears is one of them. Think about it. Not so long ago, she was a superstar who used her power and fame to promote various charities, such as the ‘Blondes can SO perform Complex Variable Calculus!’ Foundation and the ‘Yeah these are real!’ Foundation.
Cut to the present, where she looks like one of those poor kids for whom email forwards solicit 1 cent per recipient. You know which ones I’m talking about – ” A 3-year old boy from Bratislava has started growing a tail, apart from developing an affinity for Asha Bhonsle’s latest album. Please forward this message to everyone you know so that we can cure him of the Asha addiction. We really don’t mind the tail.”
Britney’s latest attempts at enriching the life of salon owners (bidding for her hair starts at $1 million, which in the metric system translates to ‘A lot of friggin’ money!’) can be classified as Britney-itis, defined in the dictionary as follows:
Britney-itis: noun, orig. Britney Spears, see also virgin, lip-synch:
An affliction that causes the victim to get drunk and shave off his/her head. Not to be confused with Salman-itis where the head is shaved to disguise male pattern baldness, and also as a mark of respect to blackbucks that have gone to The Big Hunting Ground In The Sky.
Demi Moore once went bald for her role in G.I Jane, and later dumped Bruce Willis when he started to go bald. She got Ashton Kutcher for her efforts, prompting a slew of ‘tumhaare ghar mein beta nahin hai kya’ kinda jokes. But what does Britney stand to gain from her newfound status as the Bald and the Not-so-Beautiful? If she’s lucky, she might just land up with Akshaye Khanna and his receding hairline. If not, she could end up with Feroze Khan.
Things look better on the career front though, as there’s always the possibility of modeling for razor companies. Here’s a jingle to get her started:
My dandruff now is killin me (and I)
I must confess I still believe (still believe)
that ZPTO can’t save my life
So make my head shiiiine
Shave me baby one more time!
Ok so maybe I’m not the best lyricist around. At least I’m better off than that boy with the tail.