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Have Sex. You’re *&$@^%(Married)

India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

To people who did not go to school—this is a crash course of our national pledge. It basically states that in our country, all the dudes are your bros and all the chicks are females that you cannot…er are your sisters.

So basically that is why everyone here is so eager to join IIT, so that they can leave this country and finally kiss someone who is not their sister or brother. Don’t get me wrong though, India is a great country to live in! All the incest jokes on the countrymen aside, it is still one of the best nations in the world. Except for the tiny fact that it is run by foolish people, who are as short sighted as your average mole rat.

When I say mole rat you might be confused into thinking that I’m comparing our government organization to a vermin family. I am not, because quite frankly, mole rats are very organized and sagacious creatures, and they dig holes in the ground—not in your pockets.

Our government recently came out with a really funny law, they had decided to ban all porn and make it an offence to watch it. But after finding out that it’s the only way for some MLAs to spend time when Sansad Bhavan is temporarily adjourned they probably went back on it. On the funny scale, if this law is as amusing as Govinda, the new law they are coming up with is as hilarious as Jim Carrey and Mr.Bean’s love child!

Now since you are here reading this article, it means you aren’t out there having sex yet. Good for you! Because according to this new law, if you break it—you bought it.

Any consensual sex between couples of age i.e guys above 21 year and gals above 18, will render them as a married couple in the society.  To put it in cricketing terms, If you use your bat on the pitch against Lasith Malinga even once. You will have to bat against Lasith Malinga—forever. And if you get tired of Malinga waving his hair and screaming his lungs, you’d have to apply for a divorce! Before you can change the bowler and the pitch—if you know what I mean.

I know, I know. We live in a religious country with morals stacked so high that Mount Everest would take two days to climb it. But tell me is a law like this really appropriate? Or even useful?

We live in a hypocritical country that tells us that sex is the most evil thing on the planet and that you should only do it with your husband/wife. We are the only country in the world where you can’t talk to strangers, but marrying and having sex with them is considered perfectly normal. A country in which the most brutal way to make rapists pay for their heinous crime, is for them to marry the victim.

I had once read on some Hallmark greeting that marriage is supposed to be the connection of two hearts. Apparently our law also applies to the connection of two other organs. Sex = marriage. The equation is simple.

Just imagine, if this law was to come in effect then Emraan Hashmi could have easily made a Guinness of being married the most number of times. If this law was to come in effect shows like Splitsvilla, and Emotional Atyachaar would be the next Svyamvars. This law would just count them as a married couple, and then the man can easily get out by filing a divorce once he’s tired of batting on the same pitch.

Now I’m no expert on laws…hell, I can’t even utilize the Kirchhoff’s law till date. The way I see it, people will still have sex—just more discreetly and the government has no way of stopping it.

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Also visit What comes first – Sex or Marriage?

About aditya

Aditya is a humour writer and awaiting to publish his first book. He is passionate about gaming, and has trained in animation. He resides in Pune.