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Rock-hee ka Swayamvar

Yaas! Where there is reality TV, there is JAM. We take a look at the new-age way to get hitched and have some fun too. Way to go, Rock-hee!

Well, TV has taken me by surprise once again. And given me a reason to go after my pet peeve, once again. Reality shows. NDTV (Un) Imagine is currently airing “Rock-hee ka Swayamvar”, where the ever entertaining Rock-hee Saw-Ant will be marrying one of the 20 suitors who have been shortlisted after a huge screening process involving more than 12,000 people. And of course, when it is reality shows and Rock-hee Saw-Ant, humour is bound to be present, though unintentional.

The show is being shot in a palace in Udaipur. As the show begins after the starting credits, you suddenly notice that you can no longer see beyond what seems to be a huge obstruction with a rich black colour. A strange voice is heard saying some words (which too seem to come from nowhere). Don’t worry; it’s just the show’s host DodgeRam Kapur, with more than a hundred magnifying lenses on him, perhaps to seem larger than life on screen. But what he doesn’t realize, that he is taking up the whole screen. After a brief introduction, the scene shifts to Rock-hee, all decked up like a bride in a Barjatya movie and ready to meet her suitors. The potential (hazards) arrived in (seemingly) rich clothing and gave gifts to our girl, who could not help but hide her face and run away owing to her shy nature. No, I’m serious. Even while she wore all the mini skirts in the world, even while she danced around in the house of Biggg Busss, even while she got kissed by Mukka Singh, she was always waiting for her Prince Charming to come and rescue her from her misery. She even compared herself to Sita, the wife of Lord Ram, when she said that if Sita could have a swayamwar, why couldn’t she? True, very true. Rock-hee is getting back to her Indian roots

It seems Rock-hee is looking for a complete package; in her words, as smart as SRK, as well built as Salman and an attitude like Aamir. Also, she is looking for an intelligent person. But of course, technocrats and Ivy League graduates have applied in large numbers. But it seems, NDTV (Un)Imagine have rejected their applications. I still haven’t been able to fathom why. Meanwhile, the lucky 20 “heere”, from the thousands of gems that applied, have all shown their feet to Rock-hee. No, no. Not that way. She barely looks up, you see. Pati ke charano main hi uska swarg hai, na?

Cut to next episode, and Ravi Kitchen makes an entrance as Rock-hee’s bade bhaiyya. The MNS will have something to say about a UP ka “bhaiyya” with a Marathi mulgi for a sister. Anyway, Ravi Kitchen is helping Rock-hee choose her guy, because the reticent and docile Rock-hee can barely look into their eyes. So Kitchen does the talking. A few voices are raised. The guys want Rakhi to do the talking. But Kitchen bhaiyya, the ever protective brother has been given the go-ahead by Rock-hee (and a ton of money by the sasuraal walas) to eliminate whomever he wants. Apparently, the brother sister duo know each other since their “non superstar” days (when Kitchen Bhaiyya played Bhojpuri SRK and Rock-hee was dancing at Chunabhatti Idol). How that is possible has escaped me.

Rock-hee wants nothing to with money. But Kitchen bhaiyya is adamant. How will the husband sustain Rock-hee’s lifestyle? He mentions that mere visits to parlours cost twenty five grand, a month’s salary for one of the guys. Mind you, no mention is made about clothes. Clothes are strictly optional at the Saw-Ant household. And Kitchen bhaiyya surely knows this, from his Biggg Buss experiences. But this shaadi is much more than only a physical bond (apologies for the crass usage, for lack of better words). It’s a union of two souls, with more than a million blessings. What better way to marry by public consent? Miya, biwi and qaazi, all are raazi. The next episode is anxiously awaited. Like Rock-hee says, ab intezaar nahi hota.

I have a question left in my mind, though I shall continue to watch the changing life of Rock-hee.
Will there be a second season?

– Saurabh Datar

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