An epic anti-noodle mania is gripping the nation. Ever since un-permissible levels of lead and MSG (monosodium glutamate not the Messenger of God, dude) was found in Maa ke hath ki Maggi. So naturally Amitabh Bachhan and Madhuri Dixit were responsible (or irresponsible depending upon your political affiliations). The only positive point in this entire hullaballoo was that Preity Zinta became relevant again.
Nestle Executives are scratching their heads why Indians are creating a ruckus for getting such freebies as Lead along with possibility of future cancer. [Or why indeed has not all this lead already pulped our collective brains?] On the bright side every Ram, Roger and Rashid is turning into a Food vigilance officer, poking pani puris and squishing samosas, sending sample to the crime labs.
Pata nahi bhai aaj kal hum kya kya nahi khate hain. Cola main pesticide, chocolate main keede, doodh main detergent, frooti main—ugh. While the regular Mumbaikar is like itna haavy metal to hum subhe ke vadapav mai nipta lete hain.
But the heart of the matter is missed by one and all. It is not that lead was found in pack the instant noodle, what is really found inside was the double standard of international conglomerates towards the so-called third world countries. For them there are two forms of the same product. There is world class and then there is third crass. Ask all your NRI bhai-bandoos for this cross-check and they will spew a never ending list of third world discrimination inclusive of things like quality of phoren ki pepsi and India ki. But in defence of Nestle – this is company that sold horse meat in the guise of beef in Europe only a few years ago.
So naturally the Maharashtra govt. had predicted this outcome and banned beef early this year so that none of its Marathi manoos accidentally ingests horsemeat. [Somebody please give me the number of the astrologer CM Fadnavis consulted] Now all my Maggi memories are tainted with more heavy metal than heavy metal rock band is tainted with drugs. So naturally, after all these years of trying to live healthy, eating my greens, avoiding narcotics and abhorring smoking, walking (or toeing really) the line -I need to go to rehab for addiction to instant noodles.