Home » zArchives » Humour » Laugh Out Loud » JAM Ke Baarah Baj Gaye…

JAM Ke Baarah Baj Gaye…

India is 60, JAM is 12. Let’s celebrate!

A lot of you will pick up this issue, be terribly amused with the content, and then pass on gently into the rest of your lives. Little will you ever know the vast machinery that works in the background to make this magazine become a reality issues after issue, month after month and year after year.

But on this momentous occasion, namely the twelfth anniversary of JAM, we decided we must dedicate a few column centimeters to all the wonderful people (and things) that generously play their roles in making this magazine.

It is a heart-warming story. An epic struggle of mind, body and soul. And finally it is a story of a mixed bunch of people making the impossible happen. Yes I am talking about Chak De India.

But now about JAM
It all begins at Kaliandas Udyog Bhavan here in Prabhadevi. You walk down the road, slide past the sugar cane juice wallah and the chat vendor and keep going past the small ciggie shop on the left. It is only because of that cigarette fellow that many of us here at JAM are able to work long hours but will eventually die young. But we never pay him for half the things we take from him.

Uska baarah daily bajta hai
Then as you enter KUB you will meet the gentlemen who take care of security in the building. They are extremely strict and are especially watchful about parking cars. But one of our designers routinely parks her car in assorted locations all over the compound. The poor guards always need to be on their toes.

She thoroughly enjoys it.

Security ka definitely baarah bajta hai
The third office on the right as you enter. Inside you will find hordes of employees, hunched over their computers, quiet, committed and disciplined. They are never late to work and are the ideal workforce. The bosses love every one of them

Right next to that is the JAM office.

Come on in.

First you will meet the guys who run around doing all the odd jobs like buying beer after Rashmi has left the office. The little fellow makes outstanding tea. In fact roughly 80% of all the money JAM makes goes into buying tea and milk. Poor fellow makes thousands of cups a day.

Uska ekdum baarah bajta hai
Before you go upstairs, where all the good stuff happens, we ask you to carry on forward. On the left you will see the lady who takes care of circulation. We have many subscribers in many remote parts of the country who often call in upset that they haven’t got their copies. Poor fellows they are. Little do they know that because of the extremely poor postal system in the country we often forget to post their copies out to them.

Oops.

Shaayad un logon ka baarah bajta hoga…
Shhh!!! Tip toe past the CEO’s cabin please. No disturbing him. He is the man behind JAM. He needs to manage all of us here. We often hear him saying to himself:

“Mera bahut baarah bajta hai yaar… sigh…”

Here we are at marketing. They are a merry bunch of people here. They are the people who sell all the ads you see in the magazine. If they don’t sell we don’t get paid. If we don’t get paid we ask our previously mentioned designer to park her car on the said marketing people.

Un logon ka quarterly basis pe baarah bajta hai.
And around the back, upstairs, to the small but fabulously air-conditioned web team room. This is where all the cool stuff we do on the website happens.

When the internet is working that is. Our internet connections are fine examples of artificial intelligence:

JAM’s Internet Connection thinking: Hey there is a lot of work in the office today. I think I will shut down forever right now. Ha!

Web team: WHAT!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!

Web team ka at least twice every week mornings mein bahut baarah bajta hai.

Retrace your steps back and up the stairs. Here we are in the editorial section. Here we sit everyday, writers and designers, trying to come up with some of the most inventive youth reporting ever by going through thousands of email forwards everyday.

The first seat on the left is occupied by our beloved designer maam. She is the brains behind all the design innovations you will unfortunately not be able to see in this issues because
yesterday she was abducted by a JAM cockroach!

Most probably designer ka baarah ab tak baj chuka hoga…
Yes here at JAM not only do we house one of the largest collection of used Maxim magazines in India (which helps us retain good male talent), but also a unique species of cockroach.

These are so big that we frequently trip over them and if any of them die in the office we use the body as paper weights and floor cushions.

“PARASHU!!!!!!!! COCKROACH!!!!!!!!” is one of our favourite team building mottos here at JAM. Parashu poor fellow then needs to gather various farm implements and automatic weapons and climb upstairs.

Cockroach ke peeche bhaagke Parashu ka bahut baarah bajta hain
We work under severe pressure here at JAM. And let’s not get even started about ourever-motivated Editor maam.

Rashmi: Kaushik what in god’s name are you doing right now?
Kaushik: Er… I am researching Orkut for a tech story!
Rashmi: In logon ko rakkar poora
magazine ka baarah bajne wala hai.

But most importantly…

Is magazine ko barah saal padkar aap logon ka bhi baarah kaafi baj gaya hoga na!

Thanks for being with us for twelve years! From all of us here at JAM to all of you readers out there:

A BIG JAM-STYLE EK DUM MAST AUR BINDAAS THANK YOU!

Sidin Vadukut

About admin