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I am nobody but myself

In a world which is trying to make me like everybody else.

Am I where I was meant to be? No, let us rephrase that question: Am I where others thought I would be? Is the world trying to make me like everybody else? How does it matter what others think, but when they tell you that they never thought you would be doing this now and here, you begin to wonder – where did they think I would be? How strange that all those different pictures are of me! How did I morph into so many things at the same time and none of them at all? How come I ended up doing everything I was not meant to? And yet, it never occurs to me till someone points it out to me.

It seems as if i am in a hermetic world. I am impatient. How come I am working in a job that is called the bpo job where every customer calls me with an expectation that he will get an answer as per his convenience , as if he is the most important person on this earth and I his menial servant. Should I be what he wants me to be or am I something else.

My best friend wants me to have a boyfriend and get a life.

People in my office van are obnoxious but I have no patience. I dont want to fit in as they try to adjust themselves.

My dad would want me to be an expensive pen increasing the glory of his pen stand in his office.

My brother sees me like just another silent wall in his room which has nothing to say.

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I Am Nobody But Myself.

– Anupriya Agarwal, Lucknow.

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