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Five Most Over-Publicized Things Today!

Being a humor writer at JAM is a real challenge. One must be ready explore uncharted territory fearlessly and keep one’s eyes and ears open at all times… and that’s just what we have to do ensure that some sneaky office-wallah doesn’t buy the last bottle of Aarey Lassi before us! As if that weren’t enough, our Editor, Online – Arjun (who is called so because he taps into unsecured Wi-fi connections to replenish his energy) is part cyborg, and is therefore incapable of reacting to a humor piece with anything besides his customary, “Eh? Yeah cool!” As a result one can never be sure whether an article is howlarious, or in the same league as the substandard crap that they pull on Oye! It’s Friday. This time however, I decided not to leave anything to chance and that is why like a recession-hit mall, I bring to you five stories at the price of one! Presenting…

Facebook Campaigns
The success of a Facebook campaign usually results in more annoyance than good. In simpler terms, every successful Pink Chaddi Campaign, is bound to aspire half a dozen SPAM-heavy, unsuccessful ones such as “Save the Green-Tailed, Diurnally Blind, Migratory Cockatoo Initiative”, or the “Let’s Boycott Facebook Because they moved the Inbox button by three-quarters of an inch to the left”. As if throwing sheep at, licking, sucking and biting people you barely know wasn’t bad enough already!

4) Freida Pinto
Now don’t get me wrong on this one; I’m all for Indian cinema being appreciated all over the world, and though I must admit that Slumdog’s soundtrack doesn’t hold a candle to that of even Delhi 6, I’m still as stoked as the next person that Rahman won not one but two Oscars. What I can’t stand for however are pointless celebrities; case in point Ms (ya Mrs?) Freida Pinto. With a track-record of zero films in all before her “Randomly appear at CST station and get kidnapped” part in Slumdog, it beats me how she has managed to get her overly made-up mug pasted on everything from Vogue to Cosmopolitan. On second thoughts, America is the same country were Miley Cyrus rivals the all-time sales of Led Zeppelin! Jao maaf kiya!

3) Terrorists
Terrorists are a prime example of the lengths people are willing to go to… just to get laid. Think about it! A guy blowing himself to smithereens just because he has been promised 72 virgins in his after-life, is the ultimate form of desperation, if you ask me. Especially considering the fact that no one has ever mentioned whether the virgins are going to be male or female/ young or old/ smoking hot or god-awful. It’s just not worth it! Tell you what Mr Terrorist, if risk-taking is second-nature to you and you tend to skip reading fine prints, you’re probably better off investing in the stock market, rather than blowing it up!

2) LK Sadvani’s Online SPAM-Paign
The way in which we have been swamped with Sadvani SPAM over the last month or so only confirms that the think-tank at BJP HQ consider the following as axioms –
1)The youth think that Sadvaniji is awesomeness personified!
2) The youth love clicking on cheap flash pop-ups.
3) The youth have a Ghajini-like memory span and need to be bombarded with an ad every 10 seconds.
Experience has taught us that old men who suddenly start spending too much time online are usually creep-bags. Of course I’m not implying that Sadvaniji wants to make fraandship with your beti! But there’s a chance someone else can see it like that no? Just saying!

1) Balika Vadhu
After glorifying adultery, divorce and possible incest over the last decade, saas bahu serials have now found a new social evil to put under the limelight child marriage! The end of the K-serial era, it seems has left mummies and dadis all over India with severe withdrawal pangs, so much so that they are now okay with just about anything to get their daily dose of saas-bahu sagas! So what’s the harm if a girl is married at eight, is denied education, and faces cruelties at the hands of her in-laws? And who cares if a thirteen year old becomes a widow or if a fifteen year old dies during child birth – the show deals with real emotions baba! See how well the little girls act! What’s that you say? The kids work twelve-hour shifts and miss school for months? Arrey didn’t we just say the show deals with real emotions and sensitive portrayals of a child-bride? Chup-chaap TV dekho na!

– Paras Sharma

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