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Couselling or Pressurizing?

Matri devo bhava, pitri devo bhava.”

Many of us might have heard or read this shloka somewhere or the other, at least once in our lifetime. The meaning is clear: our parents have been raised to the status of God. Indeed they are, no second thoughts about it but God only shows and guides us to the right path; he never pressurizes his child to do a particular thing.  Then will it be right to deify our parents if they are persistent to destroy our dreams?

I was eager to learn driving and as is customary in a patriarchal household, my father decided to take the charge. I was like an infant trying to capture some new experience but my father soon ruined it when he started a rain of harsh words, scolding me for petty things. I came under a latent pressure from my father that I have to perform good, but instead of working in my favour, it worked the opposite with the result that a fear was ingrained in me and could not learn how to drive. It was a consequence of me trying to focus on pleasing my father.

With the announcement of class tenth results, parents are a bundle of nerves, more than the child, and are all ready to force the child to take up the science stream- a favorite of our mentors, in grade eleven, even if  one is not interested in science, but in humanities.

But parents adamant and over ambitious and ignore interests of their children.

Some of you might also think that when parents choose a career for us, this is counselling, and not pressurizing. But one must not forget that the job of a counsellor is to advise us, not to force us for doing something. When a child is forced to take a stream or choose a career irrespective of her/his wish, then the little fledgling is bound to flutter, for how can it fly when it cannot give its heart and soul to it. The Aamir Khan starrer 3 Idiots in my opinion, portrayed Raju Rastogi and Farhan Qureshi, played by Sharman Joshi and R. Madhvan what my heart always knew.

After qualifying both the B.Ed and M.A entrance tests, a friend of mine had to make a choice, when she had decided to appear in the former as merely an option, in case she does not get through the latter. But her parents forced her to pursue Bachelors of Education, as a result of which she barely managed to pass the examinations, though she was a bright student.

One can go on. Bill Gates, the chairman of Microsoft and one of the richest men on earth, was not the typically studious student at school. He did not have the support that a child requires in his/her formation years of his parents; rather, they always criticize him but he did what he wanted to do and today he is the man who does not need an introduction.

Santosh Yadav, the first Indian woman to climb the lofty Mount Everest, itself considered a pinnacle, went against the traditions and defied her parents when they wanted her to marry at a young age. She left her home when the circumstances became unbearable. She proved herself, made her mark and will always remain the one whose name will become immortalized in the history of India.

So what do we do if our parents don’t have the confidence in us? First let us build the confidence in ourselves!  Let small victories, in our day to day life be the real signs indicative of what we want to do. Share with our parents all the things that give us a sense of success and achievement, are the things that we’d like to pursue. These are the things that build our confidence. We need to communicate.  Our parents didn’t learn to communicate well, so may be the best thing that we can do is to tell them how it is. If nothing it will ease the pressure.

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