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CHUCK DE INDIA

Stob cribbing for god’s sake!
Here we are proudly celebrating the 60th anniversary of our independence by waking up early in the morning, taking bath, wearing good clothes and then going to buy beer and there you are sitting and cribbing about all the minor little inconveniences that you suffer everyday.
I see. You think its the nation’s fault! You think that you deserve a better deal?
Let JAM explain why these very same minor inconveniences have actually played an important role in making this country a better place for you and me and even made all of us better citizens and human beings.

Your Crib 1: The power situation in this country is pathetic. At home I have to suffer several hours of powercut every day.
The Positive Side: This crib clearly means that your love life sucks. Power cuts play an important social role in our societies. For it is during these very power cuts that young people like you and me are able to quickly go to the terrace upstairs or to the colony garden outside and catch a few precious moments with our loved ones without our parents knowing. However we must warn you that this is to be done carefully as a friend recently got up after a powercut only to find out that he had spent quality time with the neighbour’s excellent imported Alsatian, Bruno.

Your Crib 2: Our cricket team sucks. They can’t win anything. I think they are a disgrace to the nation.
The Positive Side: Amateur mistake. Actually our lack of performance in cricket is one of the few reasons that we are able to watch TV today in peace. Imagine if we were actually very successfully in cricket. Imagine if we began to win World Cups and all. (You must imagine very hard for this. But please try. It might help you to also imagine that Australia does not exist at the time.) What you would then have is each and every moment of broadcast time being consumed by advertisements with the grinning faces of our cricketers plastered all over it. If you don’t think this is scary enough then I ask you to google up a photo of Romesh Powar and then look at it every ten minutes for a week. Then seek therapy.

Your Crib 3: The policemen all take bribes. I hate this country and its corrupt police.
The Positive Side: This is one of the most common misconceptions. But if you think about it you will soon see how corruption by the traffic police is one of the most ingenuous methods of justice dispensation that the world has ever seen. Imagine if every red-light breaker, overspeeder and wrong-side goer had to go to court to get his case processed in the correct manner. I don’t know about you, but my wife would have no option but to permanently move into an apartment near the court for convenience. But today all you need to do is pay your cop fifty bucks, at which point he will tell you that he is incorruptible, and then you add another fifty bucks. And then off you go.

Your Crib 4: Our politicians are very corrupt. They sit around all day doing nothing. Why do we need them in this country at all! Bah!
The Positive Side: Have you ever tried going out with friends for dinner? Oh you must then!
But if you do then you are no stranger to the problem of too many cooks spoiling the broth. One fellow wants to have coffee. The other wants to eat south indian. The third is all for kebabs. The fourth, namely me, would rather prefer a healthy salad and soup combo to maintain the six pack abs and Italian good looks. No one listens to each other. Soon there is turmoil.
This is what would happen if we had your way and politicians involved themselves in everything from nuclear warfare to the railways. It is best we leave our national policies to the few select people who know it best: the Ambanis.

Your Crib 5: The media in this country sucks. Not a single newspaper is worth reading. Why can’t someone publish a decent magazine that gives a balanced perspective…
The Positive Side: This is a genuine problem. But thankfully it is also one that has a ready solution. And that solution is right here in your hands. JAM magazine, for the last 12 years, has maintained the highest standards in journalistic morals. Our articles are fresh and original. And even if they are copied from the internet we make sure that there is a big cartoon or a picture of lady in a bikini nearby so that you don’t notice.

Thank god this great country has JAM.
So please stop cribbing.

SIDIN VADUKUT

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