Excuse while I get up off the floor and reattach my jaw. I have just managed to complete reading undoubtedly the most hilarious article of the freaking week so far on the site of DNA, one of Mumbai’s newer newspapers.

The yentyre kentry has been talking about Sachin’s ending trouble when it comes to whipping that ball over cover to get that century. Clearly no one had thought of asking Bejan Daruwala what needed to be done. “Who better to solve a sporting technique problem?” you did not say just now?

Neither did we.

Here are some titbits from Mr. Daruwala’s vast knowledge:

…according to Chinese astrology, Tendulkar is also a Buffalo, a cousin of the bull — and these two systems combined make him a Double Bull.

Cricketers of other countries please note: There should be a strategy to get Tendlya out using a red cloth and some good timing.

He certainly has his limitations, but getting 41 ODI centuries is not a joke. His work over the years speaks highly of him.

Tendulkar’s planet is Mars, which is the planet of energy, whose number is nine. And that is what makes the journey from 90 to 100 difficult for him.

Mine is Uranus. What is yours? Also is that what makes my journey from Thane to Churchgate so difficult?

At this point the article suddenly goes to what must be a whole new level for astrology.

Because he is a loving and faithful husband, to get out of his nervous 90s, I would suggest that Tendulkar follow four steps:

1.Sleep in the lap of his wife and tell her to love him sweetly and gently

2. Cook his own mutton cheese burgers and eat them

3. Have a terrific bath

4. Jump in his Ferrari and go for a drive

The above things will help him in automatically releasing his nervous energy. As Ganesha means Mars, I would suggest he chants the mantra ‘Om Gan Ganpataye Namaha’ on Tuesdays (it’s the day of Mars).

Doubt: Does Anjali do it sweetly and gently WHILE he is cooking his own mutton cheese burgers? Or immediately after?

It closes with the concerned journalist leaving a little disclaimer:

All said and done, astrology is not the beginning and end of life. It is a part of life. It’s just a guideline. Astrology can sometimes go wrong as well. Even Daruwalla can go wrong. In love and in cricket, even the mighty Daruwalla can lose his wicket.

F!@#. Are you saying that the mutton cheese burgers WONT work?! Just when we thought…

Daruwala lost his wicket in love? Where? How? How come? I need to know this. Not necessarily see it though.

Click here to read this momentous occasion in Indian journalism yourself.

Excuse while I get up off the floor and reattach my jaw. I have just managed to complete reading undoubtedly the most hilarious article of the freaking week so far on the site of DNA, one of Mumbai’s newer newspapers.
The yentyre kentry has been talking about Sachin’s ending trouble when it comes to whipping that […]

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Jeff Dunham is a ventriloquist  and a stand-up comedian. He has performed on numerous comedy shows, using his famous puppets - Peanut, a bitter old man named Walter, a dead terrorist named Achmed and others. Fortunately or unfortunately (for him!), his original DVD videos are now available on youtube for public viewing. The entire series is worth a watch, not only for the slapstick humor, but also for the way he uses all his five fingers to change the expressions of his puppets. I’ve embedded one of the videos here :

Jeff Dunham is a ventriloquist  and a stand-up comedian. He has performed on numerous comedy shows, using his famous puppets - Peanut, a bitter old man named Walter, a dead terrorist named Achmed and others. Fortunately or unfortunately (for him!), his original DVD videos are now available on youtube for public viewing. The entire series […]

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So we all get chain mails. We all get mails of 4 year old kid suffering from rare heart disorder for the last 10 years. The mails are always from Zambia/Congo/some-civil-war-inflicted-nation. But what is new is that we Indians are warming up to these diseases as well. We are embracing them slowly but steadily, with the respect that begets these rare lympho-whatever dhakans. On the auspicious day of Diwali, I need to get my good deed for the day and hence this I am the forwardings this plea from my friend (No, he is not like a friend from Orkut, whom I can’t place when and why I had added him, let alone remember who he is).

My dear Friend

My name is vijayakumar from Vellore in Tamilnadu, INDIA. http://allnetinfotech.ongoingprofit.com

Ahh ongoingprofit. No no, it is fine. My name is Kanishka from India. www.google.com. I guess this is the latest thing…to drop website addresses at the drop of a hat. Very hep.

I am 25 years old, living with mother and two brothers and I am affected by the Seronegative Rhematoid Arthritis hospital number. 587799 B, CMC, Vellore. My brothers Pugazendiran affected by focal and segmental sclerosis of kidney from 1997. He was take the treatment in CMC No: 475732 B. Vellore. Another brother Vijayakanth affected by suffering Seizure disorder from 1995. He is getting continuous treatment in CHAD Hospital, Bagayam, Vellore. Tamil Nadu. Hospital No.249903 A.

Poora family in exotic disease bijanus!! Brain, kidney, knee…between the three of you the entire market has been captured with absolutely no product cannibalization.

I don’t think about your country, age, sex, race, educational, anything.

And why not. I am your friend right, and we all make friends considering a subset of the following parameters. Come on, please start thinking about me. A/S/L??

I need a help to save my family. I have an information website. Plz visit http://allnetinfotech.ongoingprofit.com. Clicks blue color text lines on the left side or top side. Search anything in the search box and click the first result and browse something. Finally forward this webaddress to your friend and relatives.

The above activities save my family brother illness. Plz Do.

That is a lot of instructions. Why don’t you instead send an address where I can send my cheque. Isn’t that an easier thing to do? Paypal/Funds transfer, anything. If you need help, I will send you a couple of mails that explain how funds transfer happen to Nigeria. I am sure to Vellore it will be far easier. Or if you know any have good contacts with Tamilnadu State Transport Corp. then I could send you some money via the bus driver. Vellore is not too far away from Blore you see, and he wont get too much time to pocket the money.

Thanks
http://allnetinfotech.ongoingprofit.com
S.vijaya kumar

Vijaya, I get it. I got this link the first time. And next time please make a nice website with a decent name. For starters you could use http://allfamily.ondeathbed.com

So we all get chain mails. We all get mails of 4 year old kid suffering from rare heart disorder for the last 10 years. The mails are always from Zambia/Congo/some-civil-war-inflicted-nation. But what is new is that we Indians are warming up to these diseases as well. We are embracing them slowly but steadily, with […]

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Six Asiatic wild elephants were electrocuted as they went berserk after drinking rice beer in India’s remote northeast, a wildlife official said Tuesday.

Why do we even need to read joke books or see funny movie when life itself is so bizarre? MSNBC has this intriguing story of elephants who went nuts after tippling on barrels of local liquor.

And within moments everyone’s favourite funny blogger, Scott Adams of Dilbert, writes up a rib-tickling blog on the incident in his very own style.

My first reaction to that story was, “I’ll have what they’re having!” You don’t get to use that joke often, and I don’t like to miss an opportunity.

I’m no marketing expert, but if I were the farmer whose beer they drank, I’d start calling it “Shocking Elephant” and I’d design the coolest beer bottles ever. They’d be in the shape of an elephant with his trunk straight out, and that’s the part you would drink from.

How come none of our media swooped on this one? Hmm…

Six Asiatic wild elephants were electrocuted as they went berserk after drinking rice beer in India’s remote northeast, a wildlife official said Tuesday.

Why do we even need to read joke books or see funny movie when life itself is so bizarre? MSNBC has this intriguing story of elephants who went nuts after tippling on barrels […]

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A hilarious AND cute video by Boymongoose, a band out of Brisbane in Australia. Accented and cliched but still howlarious fun to watch.

Apparently MTV India played it during Christmas last year. I don’t remember seeing it anywhere.

So if you missed it, like me, catch it here!

A hilarious AND cute video by Boymongoose, a band out of Brisbane in Australia. Accented and cliched but still howlarious fun to watch.
Apparently MTV India played it during Christmas last year. I don’t remember seeing it anywhere.
So if you missed it, like me, catch it here!

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JK Rowling has taken everyone by surprise with her recent announcement that Dumbledore, everyone’s favourite Principal of a School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is/was gay. Last night Rashmi sat and watched all the Harry Potter movies again to detect all possible gay undertones when Dumbledore was on screen.

“Clearly he is gay. I do not know how I missed it!” is what Rashmi said when she came in today morning.

Parents of Potter fans are already up in arms of course. How to explain the concept of gay love to ten years olds? “We downloaded you from the internet” is already being used by many parents to avoid the topic of regular sex anyways.

Babychen at Danching with Shadows has a hilarious set of Brokeback meets Dumbledore pics that will make great desktops for a week before you start getting looks from the people in the office:

Click here to see more rib-ticklers from Babychen’s handiwork.

JK Rowling has taken everyone by surprise with her recent announcement that Dumbledore, everyone’s favourite Principal of a School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is/was gay. Last night Rashmi sat and watched all the Harry Potter movies again to detect all possible gay undertones when Dumbledore was on screen.
“Clearly he is gay. I do not know […]

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This came as a phantom message on my Google Talk. Have no idea what the source of this image. But I assume it is from a British newspaper. While the lady has a pretty interesting problem in life, Miriam’s advice is priceless.

Excellent time to start a pointless Agony Uncle column in JAM me thinks!

This came as a phantom message on my Google Talk. Have no idea what the source of this image. But I assume it is from a British newspaper. While the lady has a pretty interesting problem in life, Miriam’s advice is priceless.

Excellent time to start a pointless Agony Uncle column in JAM me thinks!

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Check out the heeeeeelarious video about a day in the life of a typical IT company.

Note: We have been informed that no IT firm on EARTH works this way. Sigh. Party pooper.

Check out the heeeeeelarious video about a day in the life of a typical IT company.

Note: We have been informed that no IT firm on EARTH works this way. Sigh. Party pooper.

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Don’t you just hate those long winding lectures in college that seem to go on and on? Finally you end up holding your eyes open with your fingers and drooling all over your notebooks trying to fight sleep.

Unless: the lecturer is hot, or, you’ve got wild women in your class preferably sitting next to you if not on top of you.

But by and large lectures suck. Unless, of course, they are by this wonderful member of the US Government:

Schoolchildren in the US state of Ohio were left bemused after images of nude women were shown in a politician’s lecture on the legislative process.

Clearly our educational system is up for reform.

More here -> BBC NEWS | Americas | Nude images shown in school talk

Don’t you just hate those long winding lectures in college that seem to go on and on? Finally you end up holding your eyes open with your fingers and drooling all over your notebooks trying to fight sleep.
Unless: the lecturer is hot, or, you’ve got wild women in your class preferably sitting next to you […]

Read more...

The latest Ig Nobel prizes are out and much enjoyment is to be had!

Great timepass reading! Check out this awardee in the area of Peace:

PEACE: The Air Force Wright Laboratory, Dayton, Ohio, USA, for instigating research & development on a chemical weapon — the so-called “gay bomb” — that will make enemy soldiers become sexually irresistible to each other.

More here -> Winners of the Ig® Nobel Prize

The latest Ig Nobel prizes are out and much enjoyment is to be had!
Great timepass reading! Check out this awardee in the area of Peace:
PEACE: The Air Force Wright Laboratory, Dayton, Ohio, USA, for instigating research & development on a chemical weapon — the so-called “gay bomb” — that will make enemy soldiers become sexually […]

Read more...