(Contributed by JAM reader Oscar, SYBA,Wilson College, Mumbai.)

India a country where we say Horn Ok Please. Its read this way ‘To Stop Train Pull Chain’. Sex is a hushed topic at home but you can call the clinic to know more, you read the number over the mob of sweaty shoulders. Be you anywhere in the train you will always know what to do. It’s either about HIV/AIDS in Hindi (or) infertility issues for he and she with cutouts of the perfect human anatomy. What you watch at home and on the board is tagged obscene. Rape a girl- violate her sanctity; marry her and its sacred in return It’s India - a country where we hear ‘we are like this only’. Newspapers carry Mr.K is gay; K says “I’ve been misquoted…” They reply “Sorry. It’s already noted.” You pay hundreds to get past the lights, the Gods help you if you get robbed at night. Gokhale says go to the station near the place and once there Pandey, claims “lekin yeh mera area nahi”. Come, come let’s not be that pessimistic you might just have Patil respond “come, let me help you.” It’s India, a country where (most) say “its ok, Hota rehta hai”. Sneeze and you’ll make it to Breaking News! Whatever we believe in we are always happy its either the Congress or the BJP state, has its own lil minions but they all go to form coalitions. India Shining, Incredible India! Lead India (For the addict) Erotic India, Exotic India, Unveiling desires of India and lets face it. It’s still India! a country where - you and I can leave that gap to finish it in time.

(Contributed by JAM reader, Jayakrishnan AKA Crucifire)

Why On Earth do people go to Mocha’s? Had been to Mocha’s yesterday (the one @ Nirmal Lifestyle, Mulund, Mumbai) and man am I pissed!! Shitty ambiance, expensive but non-filling food and absolutely pathetic service… this is my second experience (first being the one @ Hiranandani sometime back) and yesterday’s trip just confirmed my thoughts on relentless mushrooming of overpriced ‘hangouts’ like Mocha…

People who know me know that I am NEITHER sooo poor that I can’t afford the food/snacks there NOR am I someone who thinks wearing jeans is ruining Indian culture, so I hope that clears out any doubt on me being a wannabe ghati posting random rants to get my blog numbers ticking… coming back to the point, I can’t seem to get over the fact that people go to such ‘hangouts’ in hordes and sit around on old chairs/gaddis (which look like the ones my mom threw out yesterday), surrounded by curtains (which look like they’ve been cut out from those marchardani nets that you get on the roadside) and smoke away 300 bucks on ‘flavoured steam’!!!

So, is it that place cool u ask? Personally, I don’t think so… there are ‘cooler’ places to hang-out and have fun than a place like Mocha where one look at the ceiling makes me feel like a plumber/electrician with all those pipes/uninsulated wires running around… Y then? India’s economy is booming, the purchasing power has gone up and we have a richer middle-class?? Nonsense! Is the food filling? NO - @ Mocha’s, exorbitant prices is not equal to a full stomach, mind you… so, is it the ‘world-class’ service? HELL NO - I have been to cheaper places where the customer service is much much better that the one at Mocha’s.. me thinks they recruit people only once in the entire lifetime of an outlet and don’t give a shit even if the customers outnumber the staff 15:1…

So, y the hell did I goto Mocha’s the second time if I wasn’t happy the first time around and y am I ranting about it now? Well, for starters THIS IS MY BLOG… secondly, both the times I was almost forced to go as most of the people wanted to smoke ‘hukka’ and so I had to tag along… 2 reasons I think -
1. A Perceived sense of ‘coolness’
2. A place where there is no one to disturb you as you slump back in the chair and endlessly keep staring at the ceiling or chatter away with freinds without being disturbed..!

But does it have to be so over-priced? can’t the place be a bit more polished? better customer service? Am I asking for too much… I don’t think so!

(Sent in via email by Pragati Shukla, Gargi College, N. Delhi)

If there’s one thing I absolutely hate (other than cold pizza, wet socks and slow internet) it’s diversity.

I HATE IT.

Different regions, different religions, different languages, different gods, different ideologies, different values, different reasons to hate each other, ONE country.

Numerous wars fought, millions dead, millions missing, millions wounded, civilians and militants, millions homeless, helpless, hopeless, havoc, chaos, mayhem, destruction all around, all for what? Because we all don’t follow the same religion? We all don’t pray to the same god figure? We all don’t speak the same language? Because we are all turning into religious fanatics, brainwashed?

Has the word humanity been taken out of our cognition?

Even if we see on the lighter side of diversity in a country like India, we are all different, nothing common between us except the land we share, it’s all disgusting, disturbing with zero tolerance level and zero equality among us.

Inter-caste marriages for example. Show me one family who will accept inter-caste marriage without emotional blackmail and suicidal tendencies, the guy/girl not even considered here, just stereotyped and looked down upon.

Many of you won’t agree with me, most of you will have different contrasting views, I’m just looking into the big broad picture but most of all I just want you to hear me out and think, kicking those brain cells into gear, look around, think, use common sense, see, take it in and bring about a glorious change.

Have an opinion? Is Pragati merely being pessimistic? Is our diversity and cultural variations leading to trouble more than a rich nation itself? What do you think? Leave a comment.

We point your attention towards this outstanding story in today’s Bombay Times. It is a symbol of all that is great and good with journalism that has been paid for by a PR company.

The article is about Qazi Touqeer, that man who won Fame Gurukul, who became famous for having the highest scoring name in Scrabble. You know, if you could use names in Scrabble. Sure you remember him? No? Ok so let the TOI do it for you:

When Kashmir’s 19-year-old Qazi Touqeer first appeared on television in the music reality show Fame Gurukul, viewers couldn’t help but comment on the boy’s Hrithik Roshan look. His longish hair and lighteyes did have some resemblance to the Krrish star.

Yes. They were very very similar to Hritik Roshan’s in the sense they both have hair and both eyes.

Two years down the line, Qazi is set to take on Hrithik Roshan himself! Well, the boy is ready to set foot in Bollywood as an actor. His first movie Take Off is almost ready and Qazi’s very excited. “It’s got dance, romance, a lot of scope for acting. And, I’m also singing my own songs,” says the 21-year-old, who incidentally is not a trained singer.

People of India: WE NOTICED!

The movie is produced by Nasim Rizvi, the producer of Chori Chori Chupke Chupke, who was in jail for alleged underworld connections. Ask Qazi about this and he says, “It’s a fantastic script and that’s all that mattered to me. Nasim Rizvi is a sweet guy.”

A sweet guy who perhaps smuggled a leetle bit of cocaine and such like.

From a lanky lad, Qazi’s come a long way. After he was declared winner on the reality show, he took a break, gained weight and worked hard on building his physique.

So does he really have a Hritik Roshan hangover? “When I was on the show, people said that. I was glad because Hrithik is a good-looking, hot guy. But no, I don’t have a Hrithik hangover. I am Qazi Touqeer and I’m happy being that. And by the way, people now compare me with Sylvester Stallone. Of course, I have no idea why,” he smiles.

Clue why people compare: CANNOT ACT.

Click here to read more of this blunderful story.

After receiving a hateful message on the social networking site Myspace.com from a Josh Evans, Megan Meier of Dardenne Prairie, Missouri hanged herself on Oct. 16, 2006. Josh sent messages to the young girl, saying she was “a bad person” and “everyone hates you.” The spitefulness and enormity of the messages led Megan to hang herself in her bedroom closet.

Weeks after this incident, her parents learnt that Josh was not even a real person. He was just a fabrication created by the parent of a former friend of Megan’s who lived down the street. The two teenagers had argued, and the girl’s mother wanted to find out whether Megan was saying negative things about her daughter. Excellent spying technique, must say.

Following the suicide of the 13-year-old girl, cyber-bullying has been declared illegal in a small Missouri city. “It is our hope that by supporting one of our own in Dardenne Prairie, we can do our part to ensure this type of harassing behavior never happens again, anywhere,” commented Mayor Pam Fogarty regarding the new rule. “After all, harassment is harassment regardless of the mechanism or tool.”

At least a third of all teenagers say that they have been victims of cyber-bullying at some point. But no legal action was taken if the victims of online harassment dint suffer any physical harm. So the next time you’re talking to your friends online and they say anything that you find insulting, you go and get them arrested, got that?

Hemant Sahi, a regular JAMMAG contributor, sent us this story. For more you can read the Guardian story here.

You know Orkut no? That social notworking thing.

Well they recently did a survey to find out how people from different countries ranked themselves on looks.

Women from Mexico are most likely (29%) to describe themselves as “beauty contest winners” and the least likely (2%) to describe themselves as “mirror-cracking material”. Men from Tonga tend to extremes, with the most (23%) claiming to be pageant winners and an equal number (23%) claiming to be mirror crackers. Uruguayan women are most likely (58%) to consider themselves average, as are 58% of Paraguayan men.

Indian junta, the ever dependable, humble people that we are, have proudly said that we are butt ugly. We have scored ourselves abysmally low. Not insulted enough?

Pakistanis think they’re better looking then we think we are…

THIS IS WAR!

For full full information read the entry on the Orkut blog here and get the full data here. Remember: higher the score, lesser the opinion we have of our looks.

Of course I did not rank myself on this poll. That might have changed things. Anyways I need to run for a Brad Pitt look-alike Orkut group meeting now.

Look! Many bongs!

No but seriously the events at Nandigram are quickly making a mockery of the system of governance that this Nation holds near to itself. Law and order situation being outsourced to trusty party cadres perhaps!

One of the outcomes was an unprecedented public protest against the Nandigram violence by the citizenry in Kolkata. Here’s the Youtube video.

What do you think of the entire issue? We are looking for all sorts of opinions here… Leave them in the comments section.

Half Brother You killed some children………?
We will make some more While,
the kids are sleeping away to glory here,
Sticking out their stomach.

While I stand here cribbing,
For the fly in my soup,
My half brother in the farms,
Envies, that fly itself.

Sitting here in my palace,
I curse the rain gods for spoiling my day,
While my half brother in his land,
Tries to squeeze the last drop from the leaking tap.

While I fancy the best threads,
And yet somehow need more to fulfill my carnal desires,
When in some corner my half brother in his closet,
Tries to fit into clothes too small for him.

When I am on my wheels,
Cruising the lengths of this vast city,
While my half brother on his two fragile legs,
Walks a marathon just for his basic needs.

While I sit here,
Writing this piece of crap,
My half brother is staring into infinity,
Trying to find some answer to his life.

Contributed by JAM reader Aditya D. Kshirsagar, Bhavans college, Mumbai

Our biology measurement techniques lab was going on. For that particular experiment the instructor in charge deliberately asked us to “donate” our blood. She always keeps a cool head and the very fact that something weird is happening made some of us who were drowsing off in the aftermath of a good lunch to come back to the normal senses… She repeated the question and suddenly one of my brave friends decided to take up the challenge. She took the needle and he suddenly beamed like a patriot. But the apparatus was different from the one we see in hospitals. Seconds passed by and even minutes seemed to be longer than usual . Our valiant lad is now sweating profusely, his nervousness quite evident. In desperation he said, “madam this is taking too much time. Actually I have no experience with this beforehand .” Then the confused teacher replied, “beta don’t worry, we will manage, even I am a first timer.” The whole class burst into laughters at the birth of a new martyr who ‘took pains’ to give blood at least if not life!

Contributed by JAM reader, Alim Khan N, BITS Pilani, Rajasthan.

Excuse while I get up off the floor and reattach my jaw. I have just managed to complete reading undoubtedly the most hilarious article of the freaking week so far on the site of DNA, one of Mumbai’s newer newspapers.

The yentyre kentry has been talking about Sachin’s ending trouble when it comes to whipping that ball over cover to get that century. Clearly no one had thought of asking Bejan Daruwala what needed to be done. “Who better to solve a sporting technique problem?” you did not say just now?

Neither did we.

Here are some titbits from Mr. Daruwala’s vast knowledge:

…according to Chinese astrology, Tendulkar is also a Buffalo, a cousin of the bull — and these two systems combined make him a Double Bull.

Cricketers of other countries please note: There should be a strategy to get Tendlya out using a red cloth and some good timing.

He certainly has his limitations, but getting 41 ODI centuries is not a joke. His work over the years speaks highly of him.

Tendulkar’s planet is Mars, which is the planet of energy, whose number is nine. And that is what makes the journey from 90 to 100 difficult for him.

Mine is Uranus. What is yours? Also is that what makes my journey from Thane to Churchgate so difficult?

At this point the article suddenly goes to what must be a whole new level for astrology.

Because he is a loving and faithful husband, to get out of his nervous 90s, I would suggest that Tendulkar follow four steps:

1.Sleep in the lap of his wife and tell her to love him sweetly and gently

2. Cook his own mutton cheese burgers and eat them

3. Have a terrific bath

4. Jump in his Ferrari and go for a drive

The above things will help him in automatically releasing his nervous energy. As Ganesha means Mars, I would suggest he chants the mantra ‘Om Gan Ganpataye Namaha’ on Tuesdays (it’s the day of Mars).

Doubt: Does Anjali do it sweetly and gently WHILE he is cooking his own mutton cheese burgers? Or immediately after?

It closes with the concerned journalist leaving a little disclaimer:

All said and done, astrology is not the beginning and end of life. It is a part of life. It’s just a guideline. Astrology can sometimes go wrong as well. Even Daruwalla can go wrong. In love and in cricket, even the mighty Daruwalla can lose his wicket.

F!@#. Are you saying that the mutton cheese burgers WONT work?! Just when we thought…

Daruwala lost his wicket in love? Where? How? How come? I need to know this. Not necessarily see it though.

Click here to read this momentous occasion in Indian journalism yourself.