It’s the thing to be these days. And before being highbrowed becomes too mainstream, which incidentally is the closest antithesis of being highbrowed, try and inculcate these sure shot qualities in yourself to be, if not talk-of-the-town, at least to be licensed to talk about the town.
Read no further if you understood the previous paragraph without re-reading it 3 times.
- Hate Bollywood. Condemn the dream and action sequences, the song and dance, the glycerine tears and ketchup blood, and dialogues which mention holes and farts in the same sentence. Of course, the hatred should not extend to films including likes of Naseeruddin Shah, Nandita Das and Aamir Khan ( Kill yourself if you just wondered if loving Dhoom3 is permitted). Argue that you watch only Art Films, and that they don’t belong to Bollywood but The Indian Film Industry.
- Read everything you can lay your intellectual hands on. Read Oedipus and Odyssey, Ivanhoe and Jane Eyre. Better yet, read the books penned by the authors whose name is known to the least number of people. Quote frequently from German literature. In German. Turn up your nose at the mention of Chetan Bhagat and Durjoy Dutta and take almost an erotic pleasure in criticising them. This will set you apart from the majority of English reading population of the country.
- Follow Quora, condemn facebook on Quora, and make sure you everyone on your facebook friend list knows you follow Quora. Follow spiritual blogs and tweet your favourite historical links on twitter. Even better, create your own satirical blog on Indian Politics, highly inspired by newspaper editorials.
- Listen to Classical Ragas and Jazz Blues, even if it bores the hell out of you. Never name a living artist in your list of favourite artists. And no, listening to Rihannas and Pitbulls is NOT cool anymore. For extra points, make it publicly known that you prefer Kyrgyz music over anything else. Start screaming and swearing the moment anyone turns up Halkat Jawani or Chikni Chameli.
- Viciously follow Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones and other such shows like a hound, at the cost of a social life and touch with reality. Carry out deep discussions about the plots and characters of these shows, because debating about real issues like politics and economy is too crude and crass. Unfriend anyone who dares to mention Star Plus in your presence.
- A good GK is more highbrowed than an impeccable IQ, and a microscopic GK is the pinnacle of intellect. Know the facts that no-one would be able (or bother) to crosscheck. Like the colour of pen used by Darwin to pen his theory of evolution. Whether you know the theory of evolution or not, is secondary. Smile sardonically at anyone who dares to ask you something like that.
- Do not get drunk, ever. Get high or stoned instead. Because Rolling-a-joint sounds so much more sophisticated than guzzling-a-glass. Charsi is definitely smarter than bewda. Explain how the best of your intellectual output occurs only when you are properly stoned and how drinking only tears up your liver. When anyone asks you about the intellectual output, mumble a few words, in French.
- Be single. Declare yourself above relationships and all that tamasha. Flash the forever Alone tag like a badge. If you are a girl, be a Feminist. And if you are a boy, deny being a chauvinist but declare that all feminists are fake attention seekers. Tell anyone who will care to listen that love is a commercially created entity.
- If you cannot make it, fake it. Jump out of the Mainstream Bandwagon into the elite intellectual club, before it too becomes the Highbrow Bandwagon!