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A Deeper understanding of life

Timmy is a really funny guy. You look at him and you feel like laughing. He opens his mouth and you laugh some more. Finally, when he says something, you hold your sides and act out the term ROTFL. He likes playing the guitar and growing goatees.

Amidst all the funnies, let’s halt. And look inside. Unlike popular belief, life is not a joke. Poor jokes otherwise would create poor children. Four poor jokes would mean one poor Chinese child. And many more fake iPods and cheap DVD players. Never mind the logic. Logic is only the study of the principles of valid inference and demonstration. Logic doesn’t define life. Nor does life define logic. Here are things you must know.

1. Meet Life
Life is ___________. ___________ makes it __________.
Replace the first blank with ‘busy’ or other such words like difficult /boring. Fill up the second one with any product you’ve heard of laptops, underwear, tea, anything. The third one should be an antonym of the word in the first blank.

2. What gift do you give a woman? (For men)
This is a subject which many men want to avoid. But then somewhere, it helps to know. A friend I know had a wife who maintained a nice garden. On his first wedding anniversary he gave his wife a really nice gardening toolkit including an electronic soil tester. His dearest privileges (occasional evenings with the boys, and coffee in bed) were taken off. Another such victim was my brother-in-law. On my sister’s birthday, he gifted her a microwave oven. And when she gave him ‘that’ look, he jokingly told her “Hey, it’s quite useful.” That was the nail. Marital bliss went on a long vacation.
Conclusion: Never ever gift a woman anything useful. Pick up anything that’s futile (just anything – even a touch-me-not that’s been touched). The only important thing being a mushy card that has to go with it. Women feel loved then.

3. Is it good to be good? (For men again)
Women always talk about getting a nice guy who will not only be there for them, open the door and pull the chair for them, spend time lots of time with them doing nothing in particular. That’s just humbug, a big bloody lie. In reality, they want just the opposite. They want the guy who first shows a total hyperbole of interest, and then not call (or pick his phone, or show up) for the next two weeks, and then someday turn up without any particular excuse. Women love it. While the nice guys open up their lives and pour it to the women, the women are really not interested. They want the guy who wouldn’t tell them anything. They want to tame him. They’re looking for the guy who’ll make their life hell. It’s not good to be good. Period.

4. A tip for the season
Here’s some background on the Komodo dragon (Varanus komodoensis). It is a species of lizard that inhabits the islands of Komodo, Rinca, Flores, Gili Motang, and Gili Dasami, in central Indonesia. It is the largest living species of lizard, growing to an average length of 23 meters and weighing around 70 kgs. Now getting on with the tip. On a rainy day, don’t just say “It’s raining cats and dogs.” Say “It’s raining cats, dogs and Komodo dragons.” It’s cooler. Someone might just ask what a Komodo dragon is. Memorise part 1 of this paragraph.
This column is over. What have you taken out of it? As discussed in the beginning, life doesn’t revolve around logic. Nor should you.Amidst all the funnies, let’s halt. And look inside. Unlike popular belief, life is not a joke. Poor jokes otherwise would create poor children. Four poor jokes would mean one poor Chinese child. And many more fake iPods and cheap DVD players. Never mind the logic. Logic is only the study of the principles of valid inference and demonstration. Logic doesn’t define life. Nor does life define logic. Here are things you must know.

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